Philothea Rose at Home

Gardening for Dummies

2010-08-05T07:22:00.001-07:00

This past spring, after learning of a sale on vegetable plants at the supermarket, I swooped up six tomato plants, two zucchini plants, and two cucumber plants; my total cost was about $12.00. That afternoon they were in the ground and ready to produce results along with my established nectarine, pomegranate, lemon, and orange tree.

I am not an experienced gardener. I have never grown vegetables before, nor have attempted to. I didn't do any research, didn't make any plans- I winged it. I figured that it was natural to put the plants in the ground and have them take off.

It was later I learned that the vegetables should been planted in a spot with at least 8 hours of sun. My spot might give six, and that certainly is "might". I also learned I needed to buy tomato gates, which I promptly did the next week. I still was not too discouraged, although I wished I had that information in my back pocket ahead of time, as I knew there was a more preferable spot in my yard the plants could've thrived in.

As time has gone by, I have harvested two zucchinis, which has produced some satisfying batches of zucchini muffins. I've had to go through and do some major weeding and pruning over the past couple of months, as I have failed to tend my garden regularly. Watering has been sporadic, and my garden is usually either flooded or parched.

The cucumbers never produced anything. I think they may have been pulled out of the ground altogether by a certain zealous 4 year old in an attempt to gather flowers for a game sprung forth from his active imagination.

The tomatoes have come, but I have yet to pick most of them. With at least two of them, there is great debate as to whether the chewed up vegetables (or are they fruits?) still on the plant are being attacked by a gofer or birds. It'll probably turn out to be a cat.

Meanwhile, the nectarines are in abundance. I already think I may be too late in picking them. The kids managed to gather some, but most of them were squishy; I have no clue what that means as far as whether or not I've picked them too early or too late.

The pomegranates, lemons, and oranges still have a couple of months before we will need to gather those. Those were rather successful last year with only a small amount of effort on our part. The crops were more than abundant.

I have felt a longing for some time to learn more about gardening and to start one of my own. I know very little about gardening and like to joke to my friends that both my thumbs are black. Yet the pull towards gardening continues year after year, season after season. I find myself participating in discussions on backyard gardens and the harvesting of our region's agricultural gifts; although my participation can hardly be called such; I guess I'm more of a spectator to be more precise.

Recently I have discovered why God has put this pull in my life; my adventures in gardening have mirrored my spiritual progress in eerily accurate ways. Wanting so desperately to produce much fruit and many blossoms, I try each year some new plant, some new crop, a new tree. Each year I do little planning, hardly any research. I just take out my wallet in line at the nearest big-box nursery and whimsically attempt a new season's undertaking.

Each year there is initial enthusiasm, and very little result. Or, if there are results, they are usually harvested too late, or too early, or with much to be lacking. Those results come after months of undisciplined, haphazard care and fickle affection for my undertaking.

When guests come and view my efforts, I'm usually trying to distract them from my poor little area of overgrown weeds and uncared for plants, or I am showing off my latest frenzy of work after a moment of energetic inspiration, which is rife with ignorance and guess-work. Of course, I never admit that, but strive to install myself among the ranks of trowel-wielding experts on all things green. I know my loved ones see right through me, but are merciful enough to play along.

This mirrors my spiritual life the way a clear, calm lake mirrors the towering granite giant of a half-mountain imposing itself against the backdrop of a crisp summer sky (this inspired realization is brought to you by an easy summer trek to Mirror Lake in Yosemite National Park this past Father's Day). So many of my spiritual efforts start off with the same fervor, the same good intention. So many spiritual undertakings end with the same half-hearted, uneven fruitfulness (or fruitlessness?).

I know why God is calling me to gardening; he is calling me to learn more about how to take care of myself and my family. He is calling me to learn how to achieve holiness.

I truly believe that the natural world created for us can be the best teacher on how to care for the supernatural reality created within us. The processes, practices, and seasons of this stomping ground I call Earth is something that I not only take for granted, but rarely take into account at all. I know very little about the way God has provided for me and my livelihood via the resources of the ground and sky, but attach myself primarily to man-made, packaged provisions and comforts. I know that delving into the unknown art of tending another part of God's creation will help me grow in tending the spiritual garden of my soul.

While I am not proud to say that I will inevitable begin by checking out materials of the "Gardening for Dummies" variety from my local treasure trove, aka the library, I know this journey is not about starting off as an expert in need of fine-tuning. Rather, it's about starting off as nothing, allowing the hands of my Lord to cultivate me into a bountiful, fruitful plant. Maybe even a tree. Personally, I'd be happy to end up as a patch of alyssum at this point.

You know life is good...

2006-05-16T17:49:00.000-07:00

...when you've spent a good part of your day playing with the fat wrinkles on your 6 month old, pretending to eat him up!

I honestly don't know why people don't have more babies. I literally have someone in my life who for a whole year looks at me like I am the most beautiful thing ever created and clings to me with love. Who wouldn't want that kind of an ego boost?

Besides, with no other friends or family members could I get away with giving them nicknames like "Chunky chunkies!" or "Booly-booly."

Dear Mom

2006-05-16T00:59:00.000-07:00

My oldest son's Mother's Day letter to me:

Dear Mom,
I am so happy of this day. Espaisaly because of you taking care of me. I like it when when take me places. You are soo nice. You are soo fun. The awenser I really like that you say is, "yes"! You tell me things important, like when you told me to care about other people. You teach me things I like to do alot. When I ask, you awenser it. I like when you do that. When I get scold, we talk together. It makes me feel better. I love you so, so much.

Love,
A

Sniff, sniff....

"Love means never having to say you're sorry."

2006-05-08T21:03:00.000-07:00

Today I was at my book club, and a couple of the kids had an altercation, and one of the moms was making her daughter apologize. Our hostess then says, "Oh, we don't make our son apologize in these instances, because that is teaching him to lie," as she finished her statement with a pouty lip.

I looked up in stunned belief. What?! I had never heard this parenting technique before.

I think another mom thought along the same lines I was, because she said, "What do you mean?"

The hostess went on to explain that she doesn't tell her son to say he's sorry, because if he doesn't mean it then she is essentially telling him to lie. She said, "What if he isn't sorry?" Instead, she asks him, "What can you do to make the other child feel better?" And if her son repsonds, "I can say I'm sorry," then she lets him.

I asked, "But what about teaching your child empathy? How do they learn how to apologize if they are never made to do it?" She responded that when SHE makes a mistake or accidentally hurts someone, then she apologizes, and then her son sees that in her and models her behavior.

OK, I rarely like to criticize other parents, because I know it is hard to find your way, your style of parenting. But I came home and laid it on my husband, saying I thought this was the most ridiculous thing I had ever heard and the reason why there are so many insensitive, self-centered people in the world today.

Is a child then taught that he doesn't have to do something he is supposed to do unless he feels like it? Unless he means it in his heart-of-hearts? What is he going to do when he grows up and faces a world where he will daily encounter something he doesn't want to do? Will he be allowed to let these obligations slip him by? "I don't want to show respect to my teacher, because I don't like her." "I don't want to be quiet in church because I want to scream a Wiggles song!" "I don't want to share my toys and so I will hit that girl until she lets go of it, and then I won't apologize because I am not sorry I did it because I got what I want!" I am lost as to how this teaches a child to function in the real world.

On the flip side, what about the child who just got hit in the face by a screaming preschooler? Is she supposed to sit there and take it? "Sorry baby, but that boy doesn't feel sorry, so you don't get an apology, or really any kind of justice, so you'll have to just deal with it and get over it." I wonder how the hostess handles an offending child that hits or screams at her little one?

Not to say I think the hostess is a bad parent by any means. I was just totally rubbed the wrong way by this parenting technique. Whatever happened to respect for those around you, to instilling a sense of duty and obligation into our children? Are those virtues taboo now? We have to do things often that we don't feel like doing, not because we mean them or are convicted, but because they are the right things to do. We have to live in a world with 4 billion other people, and we do things out of obligation and duty to the dignity of those other people. Apologizing and making ammends for our wrongs is one of them, even when we don't feel like it. There are too many people in this world whose conscious revolves around themselves and their feelings. I think the world needs more people who have taken down the mirrors they hold up in front of their noses all their lives and have exchanged them for some spectacles to better see those around them.

And on another note, how can we then teach forgiveness if we never teach a child to say he is sorry?

My son is too much like me

2006-05-07T15:44:00.000-07:00

My 8 year-old son's favorite movie is Narnia. He watched it today while I've been cleaning the house. As I was passing by, I noticed he was watching it a second time through... with the audio commentary by the director on. What have I done to him?

Keep holy the Sabbath

2006-04-09T13:29:00.000-07:00

I have always struggled with how to keep holy the Sabbath. I have never quite mastered the art of having a restful Sunday and wondered exactly what I was supposed to do in order to have a truly holy Sunday. But my pastor gave us a brief explanation on how we as Christians view the Sabbath much differently than the Jewish people before Christ did.

When Jesus came, He said that He came to fulfill the Law. One of the Laws He fulfilled was "resting" on the Sabbath. When He died on the cross, He died on Good Friday, "rested" in the tomb on Saturday, and was raised Easter Sunday. He fulfilled the command to rest on the Sabbath.

That is why we do not celebrate the Sabbath on Saturdays anymore, because Jesus fulfilled that Law by being dead and "resting" on Holy Saturday. The early Christians began celebrating Sunday as The Lord's Day to celebrate His Resurrection and the breaking of the bread (the Eucharist). Because of Jesus' fulfillment of the Law, the early Christians did not put as much emphasis on "resting" on Sundays as the Jewish people did for the Sabbath. Our requirement now to "keep Holy the Sabbath" is not the same as it was for those who lived before Christ. Our main requirement is to go to Mass, receive the Eucharist and remember the Resurrection.

However, I still think it is a great idea to have as peaceful a Sunday as possible to make the day holy and reflective. I'm just glad for the clarification.

Stolen car, bathroom breaks, and St. Anthony

2006-04-08T08:00:00.000-07:00

G.R.'s car was stolen, again. It has been stolen twice and broken into at least 3 times. It's a 1985 Toyota Camry, a total clunker!

The police seemed optimistic that the car would be recovered, again. But G.R. felt horribly disappointed in himself for forgetting to put the club on the car. I told him, "It's not your fault! People shouldn't be stealing your car!"

I prayed about it all day, mainly because we cannot afford to get another car because we just spent our tax return money on airfare for our vacation to visit his brother in Minnesota. One of my kids shares a name with that ever-beloved saint who finds lost things, and so I was calling out to him all day. The last time our car was stolen, we did a novena to him and the car was recovered two weeks later.

"Come on, St. Anthony. I named my first-born after you! Could you help us out?"

That afternoon I became inspired. "I think I'll go drive around and look for the car." I know, I know, like I'd really find it, right? Oh well, it's worth a try, and plus driving around listening to music relaxes me anyway. So off we go. G.R. was at work so it was me and the five kids.

About 10 minutes into it the whining begins. "Why are we just driving around?" "I'm too hot!" "I'm too cold!" "I wanna go home and play computer games!" "I'm hungry!" Grrrrr.

And then the one complaint a mother can't ignore. "I have to go to the bathroom!"

We drive up to the cleanest Chevron in town. They all go to the bathroom. Fine. They think we are going home. Nope.

I want to get back to the neighborhood I was in right before the bathroom break. Only one street gets there, and it dead ends into another street that dead ends into where I want to be.

I'm driving along with much calmer kids. It's sunny and warm. A good song is playing on the radio.

There it is.

Double-take.

There it is.

What? Seriously? Really, God? My prayers answered?

St. Anthony, you mean you really did hear me?

YES!

There it was, parked on the side of the road, our little brown/gray 1985 Toyota Camry. Pull out the cell phone (which we had just bought the previous night due to my being unaware my son had swallowed an eraser at school and had been taken to the ER by my husband, who had to leave work since no one could find me. By the way, it was the son named after Uncle Tony and he is fine) and I called the police. They came out, looked it over, gave it back to us.

G.R. has been bragging about me ever since. But really, it was a God-thing. And a Saint Anthony thing.

Everyone should name at least one of their kids "Anthony". That way, no one would have to worry about anything being lost or stolen for long.

A New Favorite

2006-03-24T11:27:00.000-08:00

The Donkey

When fishes flew and forests walked
And figs grew upon thorn
Some moment when the moon was blood
Then surely I was born.

With monstrous head and sickening cry
And ears like errant wings
The devil's walking parody
On all four-footed things.

The tattered outlaw of the earth,
Of ancient crooked will;
Starve, scourge, deride me: I am dumb,
I keep my secret still.

Fools! For I also had my hour;
One far fierce hour and sweet:
There was a shout about my ears,
And palms before my feet.

- G.K. Chesterton

Grampa Bozo

2006-03-08T09:14:00.000-08:00

My grandparents have been in town, and my Grampa Bozo (the kids' great-grandpa) has been an inspiration to me on how to give attention to my kids. He is fully enamored with them. Everything they do and say is of complete interest to him.

He spent almost an hour playing with a toy from the dollar store with my 3 year old daughter. They would point out the colors that shone through the lights while the toy played music. No exaggeration; almost an hour.

When my oldest son was practicing his piano songs (Row, Row, Row Your Boat and Skip to My Lou), my Grampa Bozo sat, chin resting in his hand, rapt with attention as if listening to a concert pianist. No words, no enthusiastic, patronizing applause to make my son feel good about himself. Just undivided attention.

When my kids are in the front yard playing soccer or football, my Grampa just watches from the sidelines. No, not "watches" as in playing yard duty, but "watches" as in studying, taking the play habits of my children in.

And my kids just adore him. My three year old likes to play "snob" to people she isn't around often. She likes to give dirty looks and turn her head away to get people to beg for her attention. No snobbiness with Grampa Bozo though. Just joy at being around him.

He isn't a kid-type of person in the sense that he likes arts and crafts or speaks in a sing-song voice that kids like. He is a kid-type of person in that somehow, his spirit connects with their's in a personal, heartfelt way. He doesn't patronize; he is truly interested in them. He doesn't need to dish out compliments left and right to make them feel good about themselves; the look in his eyes does that instead.

Walk for Life, San Francisco

2006-03-03T09:40:00.000-08:00

Thanks to earthie who posted this link with pictures of the Walk For Life West Coast. It leaves one speechless.

I wanted to go the first year this event took place, but was unable to. My brother-in-law and his wife went, and their experience led me to reconsider, since if we did go we would have to bring the kids. This protest is NOT for children, or the faint-of-heart, or the emotionally unstable pro-lifer, I would say. I would love to be a part of this peaceful (at least on the pro-life side) protest, but that's not where God wants me right now.

However, I will say this, if I were on the fence on the abortion issue, and this march was a decision-making moment for me, I don't think I could objectively say I would ever be pro-choice. The evil present is almost tangible, and if you check out the photo gallery, you will know what I mean.

My resolutions

2006-03-01T14:42:00.000-08:00

My Lenten resolution, along with G.R.'s is to pray together as a couple every day. We pray with the kids, as a family, even individually, but rarely just he and I anymore. We hope to change that over these next few weeks. I've also heard that praying together is an excellent way for couples to reconnect, since many times we get insight into the struggles, worries, and joys of a person when we hear his prayers from his heart.

I also am hoping to make a list of intentions for each day of Lent and say a Rosary for that particular intention each day. Today's intention: my cousin who is in jail (not for the first time) for drug possesion with intent to sell and who has learned he has prostate and testicular cancer at age 37. He is now refusing treatment because he feels he has screwed his life up as well as those he has been close with and he is giving up.

And I am going to use this entire Lenten season to try and overcome a struggle I have been having for a couple of years now (sorry, its personal). I hope to say a chaplet for it each day, but if not, then at least to make a concerted effort in overcoming it.

What I decided not to give up this Lent:
soap operas (a usual Lenten sacrifice that really isn't much a of a sacrifice anymore. I watch them only occaisionally now and only when really bored).
TV (that would just be too hard!)
the internet (I have to check my e-mail everyday due to some obligations and didn't think I could only check e-mail without going online).
coffee (I don't want to deal with the headaches in the beginning).

How to Fast

2006-03-01T14:40:00.000-08:00

via Mary over at CMOMC

HOW TO FAST

Fast from judging others;
Feast on Christ dwelling in them.

Fast from apparent darkness;
Feast on the reality of light.

Fast from pessimism;
Feast on optimism.

Fast from thoughts of illness;
Feast on the healing power of God.

Fast from words that pollute;
Feast on phrases that purify.

Fast from anger;
Feast on patience.

Fast from worry;
Feast on Divine Providence.

Fast from unrelenting pressure;
Feast on unceasing prayer.

Fast from negatives;
Feast on positives.

Fast from complaining;
Feast on appreciation.

Fast from hostility;
Feast on non-resistance.

Fast from bitterness;
Feast on forgiveness.

Fast from anxiety;
Feast on hope.

Fast from yourself;
Feast on a silent heart.

No "Sex" for me

2006-02-27T22:03:00.000-08:00

Today a boob-tubing buddy of mine were talking about series we wish to rent on dvd. She recommended Sex and the City to me.

I smiled and shook my head. "I'll never watch that show."

She asked, "Why? Is it the sex?" It would be too simplistic to say yes, but I did anyway.

She began to exalt the shows virtues and talent, humor and "excellence".

My friend needs to get to know me a little better.

This is a relatively new friendship I have been developing, and I love this woman dearly. She isn't a church-goer and is unfamiliar with most things Catholic, I would have to guess. She knows I am Catholic, and I hope I have gotten across to her that I am an actively practicing, orthodox one at that. But I am beginning to wonder if she knows exactly what beliefs I hold fast to and how my opinions and values differ from ones she may hold.

At the moment this conversation occurred, I immediately lifted my thoughts to the Hoy Spirit and asked Him to give me the words I needed.

Should I explain that I hold sex to be a sacred act expressing the profound sacramental union between husband and wife...and only husband and wife?

Should I go into how sex and marriage is symbolic throughout Scripture of the union God wants to have with His people? Should I explain how we are the bride and He is the bridegroom?

Should I share that while I hold sex to be sacred, I do fully believe that the erotic experiences it brings forth are holy and beautiful, for sex was created to be pleasurable since it relflects the ultimate pleasure we could feel when being united with God?

My boob-tubing friend's words quickly interrupt my thoughts. "You know, Sarah Jessica Parker wouldn't do any nude scenes the whole series! Sure, Kim Catrall was full frontal, but the other two were only topless and Sarah Jessica Parker wasn't nude at all!" Should I quickly interject with the question, "if there is nothing wrong with nude scenes, why do you have so much more respect for the actresses who refuse to do them?"

Maybe I could explain that I am certainly no prude; I really do think sex is fun, oftentimes hilarious, and that even the occaisional joke about sex makes me laugh (and if anyone has seen Everybody Loves Raymond, it can make one laugh heartily), but only if those jokes uphold the dignity of the act and those who engage in it.

And what about the intense union sex reveals a man and woman to have once they are sacramentally united? That is why man leaves his father and mother and cleaves to his wife, and the two become one flesh. Genesis 2:24

And what of the fact that sex is the most powerul act in the universe, for it is the only one that unites humans with God to create life?

Should I prepare to explain the difference between being entertained by a show that may illustrate the human condition with the characters engaging in immoral acts versus a show which in its essence promotes immorality and suppresses virtue?

As these thoughts raced through my head in a matter of 10 seconds or so (yes, my brain works that fast), my final prayer to God was "Give me the words you want me to say at this time."

And as heads and ears turned towards me for my final word on the matter of Sex and the City, the only fumbling words that stuttered out of my mouth were," It's... It's just beyond me and my limits to watch that show."

And that was it. That was all God gave me.

I hope that was what he wanted.

Question of the Week

2006-02-19T16:16:00.000-08:00

Do you see a blogger or commenter with a greater degree of credibility if they publish their actual name and location? Do pseudonyms cause someone to decrease in credibility when posting or commenting? How do you feel about completely anonymous bloggers or commenters?

Finally!

2006-02-19T12:34:00.000-08:00

Updated my blogroll and added a section featuring the websites of some of my friends. There's some newbies there, mainly Catholic women. Sorry it took so long! I'm still wondering if I should fool around with my template or not. I think mine is boring, especially compared to some of your beauties!

Featured links

For parenting humor: Jelly Mom

An incredibly moving book about the transformation of a family through the illness of their son, Dawson's Gift.

For those who crochet here is Dandelion Dreamers. She has some great patterns, particularly for soakers.

New blogs I've read

Up On a Christian Hill

The Lady in the Pew

The True Vyne

Vox Lauri

Some Have Hats

Perfect Work

Irish and Dangerous

Feminine-warrior

Choosing Home

Refinement

2006-02-18T09:13:00.000-08:00

Last night I was able to spend some quality time with my circle of friends. We've pretty much grown up together since our high-school days, and now we are married with children. In our single days we were on youth ministry leadership teams together, lived together in Christian communities, and would routinely get together for some intense "praise and worship" prayer gatherings, which are now few and far between.

We were able to have praise and worship again last night and we prayed over a friend who has been struggling with a number of issues and whose birthday is coming up soon. Afterward we sat and talked about how different it is now with all of us married and busy with family and work versus when we were young and got together for prayer weekly. All of us expressed how even though there are more distractions and less prayer gatherings, we wouldn't change it for the world.

We talked about how we all would be praying and experiencing intesne, ecstatic emotions in our youth. We would be on fire for the Lord and be physically bursting with joy. Now, if we can enter into one song and truly pray it from our heart in intense concentration, we are happy.

Before we would talk about how we want to go tell the whole world about the love of God and spiritually touch every young person we met. Now, we just want to survive our days without killing our children.

Yet we wouldn't change it, or go back. Interesting. Back then, if we experienced such droughts that we would be happy just being able to enter into only one song, we would have rushed over to the victim and laid hands on them and prayed for the well to spring forth again! OK, maybe a slight exaggeration.... but still. One of the men there commented that maybe, back then, we needed that abundance of consolations from God to get us where we are today. Maybe we needed that coddling by our Father in the beginning in order to have the strength to get through the droughts of today. It's similar to the way we raise our children, from the nurturing care of infancy to making them build strength, character, and responsibility as they increase in age.

It is hard to feel that zeal going on no sleep after nursing your baby all night, or feel that peace after wrestling your child down to the ground in order to insert the medicine dropper full of antibiotics into her mouth. It is hard to sit down in loving sweetness to pray with the man whoyou are arguing with over money, time managment, household duties, or whatever issues arise in a normal marriage.

The thought of getting dressed, preparing a potluck dish, finding (and paying) a babysitter for your kids in order to go to a friend's house and have some quality prayer time doesn't sound appealing all the time when all you want is to get into your comfies and go to bed early on a Friday night. Or, maybe it is the one thing you look forward to all week long. The point is, it is much more appreciated at this point in my life than it was before I was married. And I no longer demand that God fill me with warm fuzzies at every prayer experience in order for it to be considered "good" prayer time. I am happy with a quiet whisper. Sometimes I receive no consolation at all after prayer, but at this point in my journey I know that He is still there and I don't fall apart in rejection.

And why this change? Because, that's what a family does to you. It makes you less selfish, more patient, and more persevering. Yes, there are more distractions being a married woman with 5 kids, but the opportunities to grow in grace are around every corner, present in every minute that I must give up my selfish desires for my husband and my children. And I am much more willing to work for God's consolation than I was before, because I know it is a precious gift.

And maybe it isn't just family, but rather life and all its struggles. There must be that transition from childhood to adolescence to adulthood in every person, both physically and spiritually. And while the worries, responsibilities, and distrations of our older age may be more prevalent, more persistent, more pervasive than they used to be, the refinement of our souls is so much sweeter.

Book #3 of 2006: The Princess Bride

2006-01-20T11:54:00.000-08:00

OK, I am so gullible. After reading the opening of William Goldman's The Princess Bride, I went online to double check whether or not S. Morgenstern was a real author with a real version of The Princess Bride that inspired Goldman's abridged version. For those of you wondering, I'll let you do your own research to fulfill your curiosity (and by the way, I discovered on a message board that I wasn't the only one who did this).

But it really attests to how compelling Goldman is as a writer, the fact that so many of the world's readers are under The Princess Bride's spell. It is one of our favorite family movies, and I also enjoyed the book. It is almost the same, with some changes made here and there to minor details, and more history given on Buttercup, Fezzik, Inigo, and Prince Humperdink, which I appreciated. However, after about halfway through, the book is almost exactly as it is in the movie,which makes the book not as exciting of a read from that point on, although I found the spirit of the ending in the book much different, a bit darker, but still satisfying despite the questions it raises. However, in the edition I read, many of those questions were answered by the addition of the abridged "first chapter" of Buttercup's Baby (quite compelling!).

The Princess Bride is one of the few stories in which I like the book and movie equally, which would make sense since Goldman also penned the screenplay. That reminds me: the forward in the edition I read written by Goldman includes some great info on how the movie came to be and some touching stories about Andre the Giant, the wrestler who played Fezzik.

Next on the list, a recommendation I read somewhere in the blogsphere from Alexa, A Fine Balance by Rohinton Mistry

Typical...

2006-01-11T16:52:00.000-08:00

Abortion Advocates Threaten to Shut Down Walk For Life in S.F.

I would love to attend this event, but G.R. works that day. My brother-in-law attended last year and was shocked at the complete hatred displayed by the pro-abortion camp. He said they were lined up, ready to confont the Walk-for Life crowd, spewing out obscenities and vulgar talk at every turn. It amazes me that the anti-life advocates don't realize that their tactics which are so hostile and venemous actually make moderates cringe and turn away from their movement. But oh well, that just means more pro-lifers abound.

Prayers for all who are able to attend this grand event, right in the heart of San Fransisco, which needs major prayers itself. Last year, Gavin Newsome himself showed up ready to go toe-to-toe against the pro-lifers marching in his city. Prayers for his soul as well; he is such a charismatic man. Too bad he isn't on our side.

Prayers for an end to abortion, a respect for life at all stages, and for sexual chastity among people of the world, so that the option of abortion may no longer be considered.

Man vs. Machine

2006-01-11T11:01:00.000-08:00

As I was doing dishes, scrubbing the curry scent out of my crock-pot, down the drain went a washcloth completely unnoticed by me. As I flipped the switch, I heard a chug chug and then nothing. I peered down and saw the nasty rag, and thought, "no big deal, just pull it out and no harm done." Wrong. As I yanked and yanked, I realized that it was not only stuck, but that I would probably break my hand trying to get it out without some innovation on my part. Yet did I bcome innovative? No, at least not for abot 20 minutes. I continued to try and yank out the bunched up rag from the drain. Mind you, the rag was so bunched up and my hand was actually fully immersed in the drain while doing this yanking and would've innevitable lead to some kind fo injury.

Finally, innovation kicked in and I realized that I need to get the rag out without breaking my hand. So, I got the sharpest knife in the house and began to cut the rag within the drain in an attempt to extend it and be able to yank it from outside the drain. Yes, I realize that this endeavor brought about an equal chance of injury, this time involving blood instead of broken bones. But you have to understand that my main concern was not injury, but the amount of money I might have to pay hiring a handy-man to fix this problem, or to buy a new disposal.

Well, I was successful and proceeded to shred the rag with this butcher-sized knife, but was able to get it to the desired yanking length. It took only a few minutes to then get the rag out of it's predicament.

So, I flip on the switch. Nothing. I realized the problem was much bigger.

Now, do you all remember the infomercial for a set of do-it-yourself home improvement books pitched by...I think it may have been Bob Villa... and on the commercial a voice-over says, "Learn how to fix a jammed garbage disposal yourself!" while showing the image of a woman jamming the end of a broomstick into her sink with a smile on her face at the success this attempt will obviously bring? Well, I decided to try this as well, having no clue what exactly it was I was supposed to be doing with the broomstick. I just jammed it in there and wiggled it around and gave it a few forceful jabs. I removed the broomstick and flipped the switch. Still nothing. Ok, that was stupid.

So I then went to e-how.com and read on how to fix the garbage disposal, which proceeded to be nothing more complicated than resetting the red switch at the bottom of the disposal. I was kind of disappointed that I didn't get to lay underneath my sink for an hour screwing and unscrewing, using tools such as wrenches, screwdrivers, or other metal devices I didn't know the names of, getting all wet and grimy but engaging in a full battle of (wo)man vs. machine. However, I still won this battle and feel pretty proud of myself. So proud that I gave myself some me-time and proceeded to stop my work on the dishes.

It's amazing what kind of excuses I give myself to get out of my chores.

Book #2 of 2006: The Prizewinner of Defiance, Ohio

2006-01-11T10:30:00.000-08:00

Just read Terry Ryan's account of life with her contesting mother, and I've come away feeling about as renewed and inspired as I would've if I had read a spiritual book. Evelyn Ryan encompasses everything I would want to be as a wife and mother: determination, spunk, a constant positive outlook, innovation, self-sacrifice, joy amidst poverty, resourcefulness, intelligence, and forgiveness. I personally think every woman should read this and thank God for such women.

Ryan writes about her mother through her own eyes as a child surrounded by 9 brothers and sisters, fathered by an alcoholic, and sometimes violent, man who drank away most of his earnings, leaving his family to suffer an impoverished existence. However, her mother was the rock of their family, and found an incredibly creative way of not only supplementing the family income, but of also releasing her creativity and giving herself an outlet that enabled her to cope with such stressful circumstances. Evelyn Ryan became what was known as a "contester", one who perpetually entered the writing contests once provided by different product companies (now replaced with sweepstakes that center on luck and chance versus talent or skill). Be it finishing the last line of a jingle or writing a product description in 25 words or less, Ryan poured her words onto entry blank after entry blank, winning cash, prizes, and notariety. Three contests proved to be landmark events in the Ryan household bailing them out of situations one thought only a miracle could remedy.

This book not only inspired me to keep some aspects of my attitude in check in regards to dealing with hardship with cynicism, but it also taught me to actively seek out my interests in the capacity I am able to, rather than disregard them because I can't indulge in them to an excess.

This book also is a good kick in the butt to our indulgent, credit-card addicted society. Reading about Ryan's bills piling up, having to pay them on time with cash, relying on the good faith of her townsfolk when she was unable to pay, made me ponder my own spending and bill-paying habits. By the way, the foreward to this book was written by one of my faves, Suze Orman.

This book would also be an excellent tool for high school grammar classes. Evelyn Ryan had an amazing knack for writing, using grammatical devices such as alliteration, inner-rhyme, puns, and plays-on-words that would inspire and astonish many modern day English professors, who probably haven't seen such language skills out of students in a while. In fact, Ryan was not the only one with such excellent writing skills; it seemed most people were proficient in this area, considering these lines were used for ads that everyone would be reading. The book is a wake-up call to modern day writers and speakers.

The final inspiration derived from this book is Evelyn's ability to rise above the disappointments in her life and to discard any notion of victimhood from her reality. She truly believed everything in her life was as it should have been and she not only made the best of it, but she thrived. Truly an example for many women who are looking to remedy their life situations in a society where blaming others for one's problems and professing oneself a victim is all too common.

HIGHLY recommended!

First book of 2006: The Time Traveler's Wife

2006-01-08T15:42:00.000-08:00

Finished my first book of the year, The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger. It is a story of a man, Henry, who spontaneously travels through time, and his relationship with his wife, Clare, throughout the course of their lifetimes. She first meets him as a six year old girl (he is in his late thirties, traveling back in time to visit her), while his first encounter with her comes when he is 28 years old. The story begins with Clare getting to know her future husband throughout her childhood as he knows everything that is in store for them, and then the story flips to Henry being the one getting to know Clare while she has already fallen in love with his older self. The story is incredibly compelling, and raises many thought provoking questions. Does she have the free will to fall in love with him, considering he has already told her she is his wife in the future? Would they have fallen in love without the time travel, since when they "first" meet in chronologically correct time, Clare recognizes Henry immediately as her future husband? And is Clare's life of "waiting" the one she was meant to have? Is she able to truly live out her entire life? Is Henry a true lover, or a sociopath? And another interesting question pops up as the story progresses: should one feel jealous when his loved one holds a torch for his older/younger self? This story has many more interesting questions to be answered as Clare and Henry fall in love, live out married life, and deal with the fear of having to deal with all the ramifications his "disease" brings to their lives.

The book is well written and compelling, although it gets a bit slow in the middle, and I found the climactic event she was building up to a bit predictable. However, it was definitely worth my time.

Christmas Blessings to Everyone

2005-12-23T09:18:00.000-08:00

With love and friendship I give you all Christmas blessings:

To those who have had as hectic an Advent as I have; remember that Joseph and Mary had a chaotic one as well, riding a donkey to a census in Bethlehem while 9 months pregnant. May God give you some peace and rest when all is said and done.

For all of you going to Christmas Mass or worship services; may God remind you to get there at least 45 minutes ahead of time to get a good seat, and may you find a good parking spot.

To those who will be spending Christmas Eve assembling bikes, dollhouses, or in our case basketball hoops; may God bless you with perseverance, patience, and with a little energy boost when you look at the clock and see that it is 2:00 a.m. and you are still surrounded by nuts and bolts.

To all those who will be making Christmas cookies, pies, pastries, and other delights; may God miraculously extinguish the pounds added to your bodies from all the "taste testing" going on as you prepare your treats.

To those who will be preparing Christmas dinner; may God inspire your spouse to do the dishes.

To all those whose children will be bounding into your bedroom at 5:00 a.m. Christmas morning; may God bless you with children who will excitedly (but patiently) wait until you've poured your cup o'coffee or tea to pick you up.

For those of you who have carpeting in your home; oh dear...may God bless you with a steam cleaner to get up all the chocolate and candy cane droppings your kids left while stuffing themselves with the treats found in their stockings early in the morning.

To those of you who "do Santa" with the kids; may you be given the wisdom to sort out which gifts (the big ones) are from you and which ones (the not-so-big-ones) are from "Santa" to ensure that the kids won't think Santa is cooler than you are.

Again, to those of you who "do Santa"; may you all realize that there really was a St. Nicholas, and may we better imitate his love and generosity throughout the entire year.

To all those who plan on throwing their trees out on the 26th; remember it is the 12 Days of Christmas, beginning with Christmas Day and going through 'til the feast of Epiphany, the day the three wise men presented gifts to Baby Jesus. Well, if your tree is dried out and you must throw it away, at least remember to keep celebrating the season beyond December 25th.

To all those who will be starting a diet on January 2; remember, it isn't a diet, it is a lifestyle change that involves emotional soul searching and a resolve to....oh blah blah blah!

For those who are married; may God bless your marriage and help you to grow into a couple who strives to follow God's will for your lives as Mary and Joseph did.

To those who will be surrounded by large families and many friends this season; may God help you to see them all with His eyes and love them the way He does. May you have a joyous time together and make wonderful memories.

For those who will have a quiet Christmas; may God bring you peace and may you grow closer and more intimate with our infant Lord.

To those who won't be blogging much over the next week; may God bless your activities abundantly.

To those who will be blogging more than usual because the kids are home, you have nowhere you have to be, and you are still hanging around the house in your comfy pj's at noon; may God bless your down-time, be with you as you catch up on all the blogsphere happenings, and give you interesting things to write about.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Discouraging Advent Year II

2005-12-16T09:10:00.000-08:00

I was going to write some thoughts about how I have screwed up this Advent and have made little spiritual effort and have become overwhelmed or consumed by worldly, unimportant things, but then I realized that I think I made a post like it a year ago.

I went back and read it, and while some things are different, the general sentiment is the same. Here I am with my large ideas about how holy, prepared, and peaceful I will be during this time, only to get completely offtrack by this-or-that.

I need to focus. Jesus is coming, Jesus is coming.

There are times I lie in bed and the thoughts of all the bad things that could possibly happen in my life to me or my family come flooding in, and I think, "Oh, I've got to make sure to get my life and my spirit in order in case something like this happens." Why can't I feel that kind of urgency during Advent, when God wants me to feel these things?

Now I have to get out of my rut and not fall to the temptation of perfectionism by giving up my efforts this year because I've already screwed it up 'til this point, might as well not try until next year when I can get it right from the beginning. That perfectionistic idea is rooted in pride and is Satan's way of getting me even more off track.

I need to to focus. Jesus is coming, Jesus is coming.

Seeing Myself on the Web

2005-12-12T10:58:00.000-08:00

I just read about myself on a fellow mom's blog. Unsettling, I should say. Not sure how I feel about it yet.

I belong to an organization and help out with it along with this fellow mom. There has been quite a bit of disagreement and drama within a small group of people over something really minor. This fellow mom, who has a crocheting blog, wrote about the whole drama, of course solely from her point of view, for the world to see. Her full name, location, a hint to the name of the organization, and my initials (along with the initials of other memebrs) are on the blog.

I've read posts about fellow bloggers' happenings in daily life where they share a struggle they may be having with someone. However, being the subject of such a post has unsettled me. I've also read the comments (only 3) to this particular post, and of course all are siding with this fellow mom. They talk about how "mean and nasty" we have been to her and how she shouldn't have to "suffer such abuse". I just shook my head. If only they knew the whole story...

The part that is hard is that I just had a conversation with this fellow mom and tried really hard to work things out with her. I felt at peace with the situation. Another member happened upon this fellow mom's blog (after being referred there for some crochet patterns) and sent me the link. Granted, this post was made back in October, but it freshens up the irritation for me.

Now, you can all read this and offer up some sympathy and some wise words, but wouldn't that be a bit ironic? Afterall, for all you know, I could be the one in the wrong airing my frustrations out for some validation and sympathy that I may not deserve. Maybe this fellow mom has it altogether and I'm the dramatic, self-centered, uncompromising one?

So, for now, my reaction: it is, afterall, her blog and she has the right to write whatever she wants. I'm going to let it go. I'm certainly not going to call her on it, not over something she wrote on her space. That would completely go against certain opinions I have on personal space and time. I certainly don't want to take up the nasty vice of hypocrisy now. I'm just going to try and remember that this post was made a couple of months ago, and she and I supposedly made up two days ago. I am going to try and get this out of my head. Or maybe I should pratice what I preach and pray for this woman and my relationship with her.

Have any of you seen yourself on the web like this before? Your thoughts?

Gaspers and Scowlers

2005-12-11T12:00:00.000-08:00

I was at my playgroup the other day, and we were discussing different churches and women's Bible studies (not everyone there was Catholic). One of the ladies talked about why she liked her particular group: they were "real" people.

I totally understood her sentiments. She spoke about how with some Christian circles, the women were too goody-goody and were scandalized by every fault or imperfection they came across in other people, and it was a big turnoff for this particular person I was speaking with.

I have to admit that I emitted a sigh of relief with this woman, knowing I could "be real" around her. I knew I could talk about my TV-watching habits. I would not have to fret over whether or not the outfit I was wearing was modest enough. I could talk about the dinner I went to with my non-Christian friends without worry that I would be criticized for socializing with outed-homosexuals and fornicators. I could talk about my struggles with parenting, or my road-rage I let myself indudlge in on the drive over, or the magazine article I clipped out of a copy of (gasp) Glamour magazine. But not only that, I could also talk about my desire to pray or study Scripture, or to be a Godly woman without wondering if this woman would think I was a hypocrite.

I think what this woman meant by saying some people are "real people" was that there are people who are understanding of human nature. There are many people who strive for holiness daily, but who still enjoy their cocktail hour with their girlfriends, who cuss at the television while watching a football game, who indulge in a daytime soap opera during their lunch hour, who wear clothes that show a little bit of cleavage, or who do some worldy activity that isn't considered something a "good Christian" should do. And because these people acknowledge they have their own vices and imperfections, they are understanding of others who have them as well.

I think that she also meant that there are some extremely holy people out there, who seem to have it altogether and have their Christian priorities well in order, but who also behave very lovingly towards their less-than-perfect neighbors and who encourage them in their journey rather than scowl over their faulty habits.

I can honeslty admit that I once was a scowler. In my early twenties, after coming off several retreats and reading various spiritual books, I decided to shun all that was unGodly, all that didn't directly advance me on the path to holiness. I also admit I was incorrigibly judgmental of all those who did not make this same choice, and exceptionally critical of my friends who were "supposedly good Catholics" but who indulged in particular vices.

I understand that this fervent, zealous sentiment is often a phase most young Christians go through, and I am thankful that I experienced some lessons in humility and compassion and am now trying to see God in everyone before I begin looking for the devil.

But there are some people who never pass out of this phase and who have a great time sitting in groups with other like-minded Christians and talk about the worldliness and sinfulness of others in a "thank-God-I-am-not-like-that" tone. There is a definite "Us vs Them" mentality amongst these folk, with the "Us" side usually obtaining spiritual victory and emotional satisfaction over the eventual damnation of "Them". These same people are also the ones that gasp or scowl at their fellow Christians at any mention of anything deemed unGodly or wordly, and who thrive on their superiority over these imperfect people.

I wonder if these gaspers and scowlers comprehend the damage they do to the Kingdom. Do they realize that their haughtiness actually turns people away from Christianity? Do they understand that unbelievers shun anything having to do with Christ or established religion out of fear that they will also become so critical and judgemental? Do they also see that their self-righteousness stems from an insecurity and that their judgments and criticisms are essentially an effort to feel good about themselves and their progress? And do they also not see that this is a form of pride, which is supposedly the greatest of all sins?

I remember when I began to realize this in myself. I was living in Oregon at the time and we went to a very liberal parish (liberal compared to where I grew up, anyway). I came across people who were genuinely striving for holiness and who had a deeper, more genuine love for God than anything I had developed. Yet they were divorcees, former contraception users, church-goers who struggled with out-of-control children, single moms who gave birth out-of-wedlock, and other good people with not-so-perfect pasts. Here I was, a young woman married in the Church, who was a virgin 'til marriage, an NFP-user, regular Mass attendee, and everything else one can think of that would describe a "good Catholic", yet my actual love for God and His people was so lacking, so imperfect, so immature. My experiences with these holy people greatly changed my outlook on myself and my neighbors.

Once I saw how holy and devoted people with imperfections could be, I think I became much more understanding of people. I also heard these friends give testimonies of the friends, family members, or priests who loved them and encouraged them into the faith. I never once encountered a testimony where someone shared how they were shunned by a Christian and how that rejection inspried them to turn to God.

I do think there needs to be a balance between loving acceptance and speaking truth to those who are committing sins. I am hopefully achieving that balance more and more each day. And I continually struggle with overcoming the tempations to slip back into my prideful gasping & scowling ways. Reading Jesus' words helps:

And He also told this parable to some people who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and viewed others with contempt:

"Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. "The Pharisee stood and was praying this to himself: 'God, I thank You that I am not like other people: swindlers, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week; I pay tithes of all that I get.' But the tax collector, standing some distance away, was even unwilling to lift up his eyes to heaven, but was beating his breast, saying, 'God, be merciful to me, the sinner!'
I tell you, this man went to his house justified rather than the other; for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but he who humbles himself will be exalted." Luke 18:9-14

false humility

2005-12-07T08:41:00.000-08:00

Penni's post on self-depracation has got me thinking about my own struggle with this topic, and the notion of false humility. A piece of my comment to her on this subject was:

I used to also deflect compliments by saying, "Oh, no, i really don't look that good" or some other kind of insult. I was told that insulting oneself in any way, even humorous, if the intention is to not seem prideful is actually not humble, it is FALSE humility. That stung me, but the person later explained that humility is not appearing less than you are, but that it is seeing oneself exactly as God sees them, no more, no less. If we try and make ourselves appear less than what we really are, that is wrong in the same way that inflating ourselves to be more than what we are is. That is why what one commenter above said is so true, that oftentimes the BEST, and holiest, thing to do is to reply with a simple "thank you".

If being humble means we have to take an honest look at our faults, then it must also include taking an honest look at our gifts and talents. If we sometimes must condemn ourselves for our wrongs, then we must also be willing to praise ourselves for what we do right.

As a parent, I am always trying to balance myself between scolding my children and affirming them. Yet with myself, I am much more comfortable with constant reproach than with praise.

The danger with repraoching myself too much is that when God calls me to put to use any gifts or talents He has given me, I lack the confidence to do so.

And if I really contemplate it, insulting myself too much, or being hyper-critical of my faults, is a slap in the face to my Creator. If we say everything God makes is beautiful, we have to accept that same fact about ourselves.

I have also found that with those who struggle on the flip side of the coin, praising themselves without ever evaluating the areas that need improvement, I have very critical, harsh judgments about them. Why do I favor insults or reprimands so much more than praise or affirmation? An inordinate amount of either isn't good. Why do I see too much of one being worse than the other?

Maybe it is because we as Catholics value martyrdom so highly. But the whole point of being a martyr is that they who are considered so have done heroic acts of sacrifice for the faith, to the death. If we are constantly trying to make ourselves martyrs with less-than-heroic depracations of ourselves, then it lessens the value of true martyrdom, don't you think?

A Good Argument

2005-12-05T10:51:00.000-08:00

Over this past week, I have noticed one of the things about my marriage to G.R. that makes it work: we argue very well.

By no means am I trying to be prideful or have any arrogance about my marriage, but I do think this is an area in which G.R. and I must have received some kind of grace from God in. I personally think that how we argue has had a huge affect on the state of our marriage.

In recent weeks I have had the... I guess I could say opportunity, to witness other people's arguments or engage in my own. These recent experiences profoundly affected me. I have witnessed people arguing who were incredibly disresectful of each other, who were cutthroat in their comments, who were not interested in hearing a word the other said but were mainly interested in defending their own position, were manipulative in their words, and more. I came away from this past couple of weeks 100% thankful that G.R. and I never speak to each other in those ways, even when angrier than hellfire.

Not to say that we are perfect by any means. There was one argument early on in our marriage when G.R. made a horribly hurtful comment to me that I remember to this day. However, G.R. very rarely does that. And I can honestly say that I do not recall making any cutting comment to G.R. stronger than a tearful "you're being a big jerk!" And I don't even recall saying that very often.

A lot of it comes from my childhood. I remember my parents fighting often. They ended up divorcing later on, but I still vividly remember their tense times together. When they fought, I would often seclude myself in a seaprate room, but I could still hear their words, their comments, their tones of voice. I remember two or three specific fights they had where the name calling was at an outrageous level, and I remember the actual comments made, but the words used aren't really suitable for me to write.

These instances made a permanent mark on who I was. I am happy to say that I think it was for the better, because on those days I remember the specific thought coming into my head, "How can two people who love each other say these things to each other?" From that time as a young girl up through my whole life, I have made a conscious effort in my relationships and in my marriage to never lose it that way in an argument and to never personally attack anyone in the heat of the moment.

I can honestly say that my marriage has fared well as a result of that conscious choice. G.R., I believe, has been influenced greatly by that example as well. He has only really lost it at me personally a couple of times, and when all had simmered and we had made up, he has even commented on how he really appreciates how I never hurt him personally when we argue and how he would try to be the same way; and he has.

Frankly, there are times when it isn't that easy. There are times I have to emotionally chain myself down in order not to spew out every single profanity I know and every insulting thought I've ever had. I guess this is just the one area of my life where I really can see the big picture, and so I am able to stifle myself for the moment.

My cousin and his ex-wife used to fight a lot, which made me sad because I really wanted to see them make it. I was talking to my Gramma about my cousin's situation, and she commented that sometimes, in the heat of the moment, two people say things to each other that can never be taken back. I totally agree that comments like these can ruin a marriage, or at least damage it long-term. Even in my situation, I mentioned the one comment in the one fight almost 6 years ago that I can never forget G.R. making, and it wasn't even a profane, obscene, or extremely hateful comment. If I can remember that, just imagine the marriages where people make over-the-top comments regularly. I can't imagine being truly happy, or truly in love, in a situation like that.

I think a lot of it has to do with a person's desire to be right, coupled with insecurity. Some people are emotionally unable to listen to anyone tell them they have done something wrong or hurtful, and the thought of making a sincere apology to someone is more difficult than being caught outside in their underwear. I also think that the desire to win an argument takes precedence, in some people, over anything and that is where the relationship-altering insults get thrown out.

This boggles my mind. For me, my biggest fear in life is losing my husband, whether it be to death, violence, or through rejection. It would seem to me that common sense would dictate that I would do everything reasonably possible not to lose him, which is why I taKe so much caution with my words in my angry moments. But it almost seems with others that they are attempting to realize their biggest fear of losing their loved one by arguing in such a way as to push them away forever. I don't understand it.

And it isn't done necessarily by losing it and shouting out the obscenities. I've also seen people do it through manipulation, sarcasm, belitting facial expressions, a condescending tone of voice, and possibly the worst of all, stonewalling silence.

Like I said, these past few weeks have deeply affected me. There are now a couple of people I have decided I must distance myself from slightly because I just don't have a desire to "go there" with them, and the closer you are to someone, the more likely you will have an opportunity to engage in at least a couple of confrontations with them. I've realized something about myself, be it a weakness or strength I'm not sure; I only want to be close to people who I can feel safe with in any situation, even ones of conflict. I tend to avoid conflict as it is, but I can honestly say that if one ever arose between myself and G.R. or any of the people I trust, that we would be OK at the end of it, possibly even stronger. I can't say the same about some of my recent encounters.

Ode to a Capable Wife

2005-12-02T11:00:00.000-08:00

Today I finally sat down to take some prayer-time and reflect on some Scripture. I knew where God wanted me to start, and so I flipped straight to a passage that tugs at my heart everytime, and can be difficult for me to digest. I went through and bolded each verse that causes a sting in my heart and causes my eyes to shift, because I know these are areas I severely lack in. I was hoping my prayer-time today would bring peace, comfort, and consolation. But God had other things in mind: conviction, reprimand, renovation.

Proverbs 31: 10-31:

10 A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.

11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.

12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.

13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.

14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.

15 She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.

16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.

17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.

18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.

19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.

20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.

21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.

22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.

23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.

24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.

25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.

26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.

28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:

29 "Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."

30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

31 Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Does my husband have full confidence in me? I think he would like to, but too many times I ask him to excuse my weaknesses, my laziness, my imperfections and just accept me for who I am, faults and all. He does this lovingly, but I think I ask him to do it beyond what is expected of someone supposedly striving for holiness.

Works with eager hands...provides food for her family... sets about her work vigorously with arms strong for the tasks... watches over the affairs of her household... does not eat the bread of idleness; oh how these words sting, because one of my greatest vices is idleness. I fall back on the excuse that I just don't like housework... I hate to cook... or whatever might sound endearingly quirky or cute as to why I just don't do what I am supposed to at home for the sake of my idle pleasures.

And for one thing, I certainly rebel against getting up while it is still dark and being productive and diligent until the day is done. Once again, I fall on my excuses. "I don't like to get up when the sun isn't out"... or "I shut down after 8:00. If the work isn't finished... oh well!" I claim to really need my winding down time, which would be true if I was truly busy all day. But so often, my winding down time is just an extension of the general nonsense I may have been engaging in all day.

When my children wake up in the morning, I am not convinced they would call me "blessed", or "happy". Ususally it is the morning rush, because as I said before I can procastinate about getting up, and so the frantic stress in me leaks out into the morning routines of my children. In fact, there are a few mornings my children may arise and in fact call me a raging lunatic.

I can only wish I had "no fear for my household", or that I "laughed at things to come". I only wish I was so focused, so prepared. I wish I was content in the present moment and not distracted by the future, or what might happen, or what could've been. I wish I was not restless about the way my house is run, the way my children are mothered, the way my husband is loved, the way my life is lived. I wish that I could have some confidence...no that's not the word, because we should never be too confident of where we are in case the Lord decides to give us a healthy reality check. Instead, I wish I could be at peace with my efforts.

To be clothed in fine linen and purple...no I don't take this to mean I am to be the best dressed in the crowd. But I do wish I made more of a priority of taking care of myself (my health, my appearance, my clothes, my property, etc.). A lot of what I lack in this area is because I do not use my time wisely. If I made the appropriate amount of time to get myself ready and well-put-together each day, maybe that would help me be more focused, be more at peace, be more inclined to be productive.

She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life... a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. I know I do not consciously set out to harm my husband, but do I consciously set out to do him good? I think I just go about my day with the attitude of getting through it, not making an effort to bring good to my husband or making the effort to be a good wife. No focus, no conscious thought, no purpose. Just floating. Yes, I am succeeding in just getting through it. But is that what I want to say to God... I just got through my days?

Some of us on earth are called to do great things: be missionaries, feed the poor, be inspiring teachers or speakers, be great apologists whos defend the faith. However, I am realizing more and more throughout the years that my call is not any of those things. My call for my life is to merely (but then again, not so merely) embrace my vocation completely, wholeheartedly. I can't just say I lived the vocation of married life, but that I strove to be a good wife, the best wife I could be. The wife God made me to be.

Yet in this realization over the years and in my prayer-time this morning, I saw that it wasn't enough to have this resolve, but I needed a plan to realize it in my daily life. Knowing that coming up with routines or plans is not my strong point, I am once again flocking over to Flylady, whose plans have worked well for me... when implemented. Hopefully this will not be yet another attempt at getting it together that ends with me falling off the fly-wagon. I know her system works and fits my style and personality (for the most part). It is just a matter of sticking with it and growing in the virtue of discipline without being perfectionistic.

I am hoping that going through Flylady's baby steps will be the starting point on the path of truly implementing Proverbs 31 into my life. It may start with housework or routines, but hopefully will spill over into my general attitude and spirituality regarding my vocation. Hopefully reading Proverbs 31 this time next year will be a source of consolation and not of reproval. Hopefully by this time next year, I can succeed in not having to bold so much of the text of this Scripture.

Reflecting on Wholehearted Motherhood

2005-11-28T10:20:00.000-08:00

I read this inspiring post on Wholehearted Motherhood, and it was exactly what I needed. It was good to go through the post point-by-point and reevaluate how much of my heart I put into my vocation as a mother.

The wholehearted mother has learned to lay down her wants and desires when they conflict with her responsibilities... She knows that it is not enough to be a stay-at-home mom, to homeschool her children, to run a ship-shape home, or to plan the perfect rotating menus, if her heart is only partially for the home. She does not simply perform her duties and feel as if she has done all that is required, but she has a steadfast faithfulness and heartfelt dedication to motherhood...

I for one have a difficult time putting aside my desires for my responsibilities. How many times do I rush through the kids bedtime prayers or skip reading-time altogether because I may miss the first 10 minutes of Gilmore Girls? How many times do I get so caught up in keeping the perfect house and getting everything done that I neglect to spend time being a mother to my children? How much time do I spen on the computer and miss out on my duties as a mother? The answer: plenty.

The words "steadfast faithfulness" and "heartfelt dedication" are words I want to deeply apply to my life as a mother.

She is unswerving in her dedication to raise her children to serve the Lord. Her children observe her passion for this holy mission and see it for the splendid task that it is.

This is one of those statements that I know in my head, but need to hear over and over to remind my heart. Mothers and wives show their love for God by raising their children and loving their husbands. So how well, how much, how deeply am I showing my love for God in my vocation? Sometimes I feel like I merely survive the day, and to a certain degree, that is normal. But I must face it, there are times when I feel exhausted not because the day has been legitimately difficult, but because I have spent so much time wallowing over what desires I must sacrifice. Sometimes I make the days more difficult by my own rebellion... "For once, I'd like to do what I want, when I want!" is what I say, not realizing that those rebellions actually make the day more difficult to bear. If I recited the words "steadfast faithfulness" and "heartfelt dedication" to myself rather than the words, "I want, I want, I want!", maybe I would have less difficult days and more satisfying days.

Enthusiastic: The wholehearted mother is excited about her vocation. She says, “How blessed I am to be a mother! What a wonderful calling this is! I am so thankful for my home and for my family.” Her children know that she esteems motherhood and that she is joyful and eager to tackle its challenges. She makes work into a game and inspires her children to learn. Her daughters are convinced that motherhood is a glorious endeavor and worthy of a passionate and fervent devotion.

This is also an area I need to work on, and it is just a matter of adjusting my attitude continually, until it is ingrained in me and becomes a part of my daily habits. Of course I love my vocation as a wife and mother, and I love being an at-home mother. But I admit that I forget to be excited, joyful about it. Many may question my love for my life if I fail to show enthusiasm for it. It would break my heart if it ever came to be that my own daughters questioned my love for this life due to a lack of enthusiasm on my part. It is a matter of making sure my actions and expressions match the affections of my heart.

A wholehearted mother must first pursue God with a whole heart. “Blessed are they that keep his testimonies, and that seek him with the whole heart,” Psalm 119:2. As she communes with the Lord and spends time in His presence, she will receive His vision for her family and be renewed in her purpose as a mother. This is the antidote for weariness, discouragement, and a sense of failure. Time spent with God will give her an eternal perspective and a fresh sense of the significance of her role as a mother. “Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord,” Psalm 27:14.

One again, a theme in my recent days...God calling me to prayer...to time with Him before I begin any part of my day... to time with Him when I have a quiet moment to spare... to time with Him in the midst of my daily activities. Our Lord is pretty much shouting this message to me, repeatedly. How blessed I am to have a God who gives me the answers I need so clearly. Why do I not heed those answers? Stubbornness, laziness, forgetfulness, ingratitude, apathy...the list could go on. It is clearly time for me to overcome those obstacles and embrace the call God is so loudly, so constantly giving me.

Now, to give myself some credit (and indulge in a little bit of hope), I do think there are some areas I am doing a pretty good job in. Of course, I will always strive to do better....

...Determined: The wholehearted mother lets nothing sway her vision. Sure, she has days when she is not at her best. She may be tired in mind or body, but, she either perseveres through those times or gets back on track when they have passed. The wholehearted mother has a dream for her children, an unqualified resolve to raise citizens of the Kingdom who wholeheartedly love their God. She is determined to make the sacrifices necessary now, to avoid the pain of regret later...

...Free from all reserve or hesitation: The wholehearted mother doesn’t let the criticism of family or friends dissuade her. When she picks up a magazine and reads, “Motherhood is Overrated,” “Me, Me, Me,” “How to Have It All,” “Too Much of a Good Thing – the Dangers of a Large Family,” “Pamper Yourself Today,” “Don’t Lose Your Job Skills,” or “Buried in Diapers,” she smiles, lays it down, and reads, “Lo, children are a heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward,” Psalm 127:3...

...A wholehearted mother will have a heart for her husband. “That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,” Titus 2:4...

What a perfect time for reflection on wholehearted motherhood, this post-partum time with a new baby. What a perfect season to ponder the improvements that need to be made in my life, this season of Advent. I thank God for blessing me with clear, constant messages that I cannot ignore. I thank God for anything that renews and refreshes me, especally in the areas of my vocation that are lacking. And, to repeat the prayer at the end of the referred post:

“Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting,” Psalm 139:23 & 24.

Post-Partum Letter to Myself

2005-11-19T15:25:00.000-08:00

Dear Philothea Rose,

First of all, let me just tell you that your baby is perhaps, the most precious little thing on earth. His sweet face, gentle cries, and lovely smell are capitvating. Every stress you had about having five kids completely vanished the moment of his birth. Praise God, Praise God!

Now, time for me to knock some sense into you.

1. You just had a baby 6 days ago; of course your belly is still big! Please do not cry everytime someone sees you without the baby and asks when you are due. Please do not fret that you are still wearing maternity clothes because your old ones will fit one day. And please ignore the incredibly stupid lady you encountered in the doctor's office yesterday. As your Gorgeous Redhead told you, why do you listen to someone who is so obviously stupid?! (If you need a refresher, I am speaking about the lady with which you had this exchange):

Lady: Oh, how old is your baby?
Philothea: 5 days old!
Lady: And you are still pregnant?
Philothea: (looking down at her huge post-partum belly) Um... no, I had him 5 days ago.
Lady: Oh! I was wondering, "how that could possibly happen!?!"

2. Now, when your husband cleans the house for you and tells you how tired he is, please do not assume that he is trying to tell you that he is more tired than you are or that he is trying to make you feel guilty for not getting up and helping. He is just stating a fact. He can still be tired, sweetie, and he isn't trying to take anything away from the fact that you just had a baby and need rest. This isn't a competition, he is not trying to show how he can be "a better homemaker" than you are. He is just helping out! If he didn't help, you'd be mad at him for that and would cry that he was being a selfih, lazy jerk. Tell him thank you and go back to sleep. If he decides to rest a bit himself, it doesn't mean he's giving you a clue to get up and do some work. And please don't ever assume he has anythjing but good helpful intentions toward you, because it really makes you look like an ass!

3. Please do not get all worked up over your house not looking perfect. You were not expected to get your porch scrubbed or your air vents vacuumed when you were nine months pregnant, and no one expects you to now. When people come to your house, they are coming to see you and your baby. They are coming with love and support. They will not be running a gloved finger over your furniture to check for dust and they will not be counting the spiders gathered on your porch. And if they are, they probably don't have five kids as you do and so don't worry about what they think anyway! People are coming to the home of a recently-pregnant-currently-post-partum-mother-of-five with a husband who goes to work and school full-time along with internships and volunteering commitments. Your friends and family know this and do not expect your home to be a showcase. That will not come for another 18 years, at least.

4. Yes, your youngest daughter at home while the others are in school will be spending a lot of time at home, playing by herself, and probably watching a bit too much TV while you rest, sleep, nurse, and take care of your new baby. Get over it, It isn't the end of the world. She can count to 20, right? Her brain cells will be fine.

5. Just because you don't feel all that great doesn't mean you can't pray. You always think you have to be feeling fabulous and with everything done before you sit down for some good, quality God-time. But you'd be so much better off if you started out praying rather than finishing off praying (because when are you ever finished?). Pray tired. Pray sleepy. Pray sore. Pray nursing. Pray wiping. Pray "God, please be with me" in between the crazy moments. Just pray. It will help you tremendously during this time.

Now, you are in a good mood, a good place now. But you will completely forget all these things within the hour and begin stressing out again, so come back often and read this and remember the peace you were feeling when you wrote this. Your friends love you. Your family loves you. Your new baby loves you. Your Gorgeous Redhead loves you. Your God loves you. What do you have to stress out over?

Love,
Philothea Rose

Some input from other moms, please....

2005-11-04T09:49:00.000-08:00

I have always experienced that "nesting hormone" rush before the baby comes. You know, the one that not only inspires you to scrub your entire house down for the baby, but also the one that actually gives you the energy and wherewithall to do it.

I have become inspired to clean my oven, vacuum my air vents, call a hauling company for the brush in my alleyway, and dust off the light-bulbs that are underneath the light fixtures in my bathroom. However, have I actually done these things? No. I've experienced the paranoia and panic of NOT doing them, and the despair and feeling so tired and heavy that I can't do them. So, is the nesting hormone less potent in me this time around because this is #5, or am I just still not ready to go yet and my body is still waiting to give me the cue sometime next week? I mean, with all the others, I had everything DONE by the time the baby came, and to me that was a clue that my body was ready to go because the nesting hormone had acted sufficiently.

So, right now, I am afraid that that baby will come too soon and I will have nothing accomplished (I don't even have the bassinet set up yet) because there is something deficient in my nesting hormone!

Then Monday I got smacked by a cold, yet it was minor. But to top it off, yesterday I was walloped by the stomach flu, of which I am recovering today. While this is quite inconvenient and actually more cause for that paranoid feeling of everything not getting done (since my house is now a disaster due to my couch-ridden state), I am glad to be getting the winter illnesses over BEFORE the baby comes.

So, ladies, ease my mind. PLEASE tell me that you ALL experienced the surge of nesting hormones before your babies came everytime so I will not worry that the baby will come before my body goes into hyper-overdrive and gets all pre-baby tasks accomplished. Please tell me the nesting hormone potency does not wear off with each child!

OK, so I've proofread this post and realize that I really, really sound like a hormonal pregnant lady right now. Maybe you should all offer up a prayer for me to settle down a bit.

The Circle of Life Of Halloween

2005-10-31T10:29:00.000-08:00

My response to a discussion on Penni's blog:

"Actually, we just heard an apologetics speaker talk about Halloween and how very Catholic it is. He talked about how, yes, it was originally a harvest festival for the Celtic crowd who celebrated the dead and such, but that in a move to establish somewhat of another Triduum, the Catholic Church moved All Saints Day and All Souls Day to the beginning of November, and hence we have Halloween, All Hallows Eve, before the feast of all Saints. He said, of course it is all about how you go about it. Ghouls and monsters and murderers? Maybe not. But if you think about it, ghosts and skeletons are very appropriate to celebrate the dead- it all depends on how you do it. Death is not something we as Catholics should avoid celebrating...afterall, how else can we get to Heaven? In Mexico, the day of the dead is still a roaring tradition and it is not uncommon to find celebrations at cemeteries.

However, he did say that since our Protestant brohters and sisters do not see All Saints and All Souls day in the same fashion and, in fact, do not celebrate it, then we should not get bothered that they choose to have Harvest festivals or not celebrate Halloween at all- it actually would be inappropriate to do so unless they were planning on exploring their Catholic roots.

I will say, in the spirit of irony and humor (I emphasize humor), that it is interesting how the circle of life for Halloween evolved: first Harvest festivals that celebratd the fall season with some spirits and scare by our Celtic ancestors, followed by a supplanting of the Celtic tradition with the "All Hallow's Eve" celebration by the Church in an effort to Christianize the holiday, turning then into a day of pumpkins, candy and costumes as the holiday was secularized, and therefore being rejected by Christian people wanting to distance themselves from the horror, scare, and gore of the secular celebration, and hence evolving once again into a celebration of the season with...Harvest festivals."

Showered

2005-10-27T18:00:00.000-07:00

This post was supposed to have pictures, but everytime I would go through the steps of uploading it shows up with nothing!

Last weekend was so good, especially Saturday where I was the recipient of some special love and kindness by my California friends at CMOMC. My husband lured me to the coast to go see his brother play football (he plays for a junior college out there), to which I was NOT looking forward to. Handling my three year old while pregnant and sitting in bleacers was not my idea of a good time. But I said I'd suck it up and go.

Of course we got lost on our way there, and G.R. was irritated about it as usual. We finally get to his moms house (she was going to the game as well) and he went into her place to get her. I waited in the car and he came back saying she "wants us to meet a 'friend' of hers" before we go to the game". So yeah, kind of weird. But then, a lightbulb came on in my head....

"Honey, do you think it's a man?!"

My mother-in-law has been a widow for 15 years. She is 67 and works full time as a nurse. She has gone out on maybe 1 date since my father-in-law (whom I never got to meet) died. So, this turn of events was highly intriguing.

G.R.: "What?!"

P.R.: "Maybe she wants us to meet a manfriend!" I said manfriend because boyfriend doesn't seem appropriate for a 67 year old woman.

G.R.: "Come on, she's too old for that!" I conveniently left this part out of the story I later reiterated to my mother-in-law just in case she would've been offended.

P.R.: "Oh, come on, maybe she's lonely!" My brother-in-law lives with her now but will be transferring to a school,in Southern California next semester. Maybe she wanted some company?

So on we went like this for about 5 minutes, G.R. getting very exasperated with me. We pull in to a nice neighborhood where I say, "Well, at least she'll be well taken care of!" I am anxiously looking at all the homes hoping to catch a glimpse of this new friend we are to meet. We park and get out of the car, me wondering whether or not to put make-up on to impress my MIL's new beau. As we are walking up the walk, I see some kids playing in the garage, one looking very much like the daughter of one of my friends at CMOMC.

Backing up, CMOMC is a Catholic Mom's message board I have been a part of since 2003. Many of us have met each other around the country, and I have been fortunate enough to meet many of the Northern CA moms. The last time I've seen any of them was summer 2004 where we had a fabulous weekend together.

Anyways, I stop and say hello to this young girl, who I still wasn't quite sure of at that moment. I think, "either Beth is here for some really strange reason, or this girl is Beth's daughter's long-lost twin!"

That's when it hit me,

One of the moms at CMOMC lives in the same town as my mother-in-law. It was coming together bit by bit, but I still wasn't sure...

...until we walked in and surrounding me in the living room was none other than my internet friends from CMOMC- 6 of them. They were all there to throw me a baby shower!

I can't tell you how special and loved I felt, and how much I really needed a day like that. I had been so overwhelmed with the knowledge that in 5 weeks time I was going to officially have 5 children and be going back to the days of nursing every two hours, lugging diaper bags and carseats everywhere, having minimal-to-no sleep, and having a completely helpless human being depending on me. I have been wanting to get so much done and haven't had the time or energy to do it all and had been feeling very stressed and down. This surprise lifted my spirits up greatly, not that these moms would've known that I needed it. You know how we women can be; never letting anyone know how much we are struggling for fear of sounding like big babies or being melodramatic.

Well, we had a great time together. I would have been happy chatting and hanging out with the ladies even if it wasn't a baby shower. The extra pleasure was that two of the ladies were friends I hadn't met before, so it was nice to now have two more faces to put with the names I see on my screen everyday.

It just really goes to show that the connections we make on the internet can in fact be very enriching and fulfilling, and very real. I know many of my friends here in my town don't understand how I could spend time on the internet doing anything other than researching recipes, housekeeping tips, or medical conditions, and see the internet as a waste of time. But I am the type of person who loves to interact with people (well, at least most of the time), and I love making new friends. I am so glad I took that chance 2 years ago with the Catholic moms who blessed me abundantly last weekend.

My Book List

2005-10-25T18:55:00.000-07:00

Here's my reading plans for the near future. Hopefully I can finish all these before the new year, because I'd love to start a new list for 2006 and see how much I can get through by the end of the year.

Christmas Reads
A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens. I can't believe I have never actually read the book!

The Christmas Train by David Baldacci (a MOMS Club book club selection)

Mysteries
The #1 Ladies' Detective Agency by Alexander McCall Smith

Pithed: An Andy Farmer Mystery by Kathryn Lively

Over Her Dead Body by Kate White. This and my next selection are pure guilty pleasures. But we all need some of those every so often.

Til Death Do Us Part by Kate White

Books I Should Have Read a Long Time Ago
Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

The Princess Bride by William Goldman

An Old Fave I Want to Revisit
A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle

Currently Popular
The Prize Winner of Defiance Ohio by Terry Ryan

Given to Me by a Friend
The Taking by Dean Koontz. I used to read all his books a long time ago, but haven't been keeping up with him. I think I may have wanted to get away from the dark and scary. It'll be interesting to see what I think of him at this point in my life.

Philothea Rose and Gorgeous Redhead

2005-10-24T16:05:00.000-07:00

I only have about 15 minutes to spend here today, but I wanted to make my first attempt at blogging with a picture and hopefully getting a picture of me in my profile. This isn't the best picture of me and G.R., but it's the most recent one I have. I wanted to get going on pictures because I had a fabulous weekend (a surprise baby shower from my CA friends at CMOMC) and wanted to share about it with some pictures. Hopefully, that will come early tomorrow. But for now, do you all see why I call him "Gorgeous Redhead?"

My letter to Victoria's Secret

2005-10-20T14:46:00.000-07:00

Here's my response to Victoria's Secret's new test marketing campaign. Jordan is doing a great job keeping us updated on the situation.

To Whom It May Concern:

I have recently been made aware of your "test marketing" in a few stores around the country that tend toward a more erotic, pornographic nature. I must say that while I thought I would be a faithful customer due to the quality of your product, I will no longer shop at your stores as long as ANY of your stores continue to merchandise your products through these inappropriate means. Your displays are completely repulsive and degrading to women and sex, and the fact you don't seem to realize this is appalling. To think that a woman's clothing company could be so crude, crass, and insulting shows what a sad day our society is living in. And I am esepcially disgusted at your choice to test market this idea in malls and stores that are so easily accessibly to children. It shows a complete insensitivity to your target audience- women, who also tend to have children with them while they shop!

Your bras and underwear aren't that important to me- the nearest JC Penny suits my needs just fine.

The Abortion Debate Nobody Wants to Have: a commentary everyone should read

2005-10-18T14:57:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Peony for this article.

SANTA MONICA, Calif. -- If it's unacceptable for William Bennett to link abortion even conversationally with a whole class of people (and, of course, it is), why then do we as a society view abortion as justified and unremarkable in the case of another class of people: children with disabilities?

I have struggled with this question almost since our daughter Margaret was born, since she opened her big blue eyes and we got our first inkling that there was a full-fledged person behind them.

Whenever I am out with Margaret, I'm conscious that she represents a group whose ranks are shrinking because of the wide availability of prenatal testing and abortion. I don't know how many pregnancies are terminated because of prenatal diagnoses of Down syndrome, but some studies estimate 80 to 90 percent.

Imagine. As Margaret bounces through life, especially out here in the land of the perfect body, I see the way people look at her: curious, surprised, sometimes wary, occasionally disapproving or alarmed. I know that most women of childbearing age that we may encounter have judged her and her cohort, and have found their lives to be not worth living.

To them, Margaret falls into the category of avoidable human suffering. At best, a tragic mistake. At worst, a living embodiment of the pro-life movement. Less than human. A drain on society. That someone I love is regarded this way is unspeakably painful to me.

This view is probably particularly pronounced here in blue-state California, but I keep finding it everywhere, from academia on down. At a dinner party not long ago, I was seated next to the director of an Ivy League ethics program. In answer to another guest's question, he said he believes that prospective parents have a moral obligation to undergo prenatal testing and to terminate their pregnancy to avoid bringing forth a child with a disability, because it was immoral to subject a child to the kind of suffering he or she would have to endure. (When I started to pipe up about our family's experience, he smiled politely and turned to the lady on his left.)

Margaret does not view her life as unremitting human suffering (although she is angry that I haven't bought her an iPod). She's consumed with more important things, like the performance of the Boston Red Sox in the playoffs and the dance she's going to this weekend. Oh sure, she wishes she could learn faster and had better math skills. So do I. But it doesn't ruin our day, much less our lives. It's the negative social attitudes that cause us to suffer.

Many young women, upon meeting us, have asked whether I had "the test." I interpret the question as a get-home-free card. If I say no, they figure, that means I'm a victim of circumstance, and therefore not implicitly repudiating the decision they may make to abort if they think there are disabilities involved. If yes, then it means I'm a right-wing antiabortion nut whose choices aren't relevant to their lives.

Either way, they win.

In ancient Greece, babies with disabilities were left out in the elements to die. We in America rely on prenatal genetic testing to make our selections in private, but the effect on society is the same.

Margaret's old pediatrician tells me that years ago he used to have a steady stream of patients with Down syndrome. Not anymore. Where did they go, I wonder. On the west side of L.A., they aren't being born anymore, he says.

The irony is that we live in a time when medical advances are profoundly changing what it means to live with disabilities. Years ago, people with Down syndrome often were housed in institutions. Many were in poor health, had limited self-care and social skills, couldn't read, and died young. It was thought that all their problems were unavoidable, caused by their genetic anomaly.

Now it seems clear that these people were limited at least as much by institutionalization, low expectations, lack of education and poor health care as by their DNA. Today people with Down syndrome are living much longer and healthier lives than they did even 20 years ago. Buoyed by the educational reforms of the past quarter-century, they are increasingly finishing high school, living more independently and holding jobs.

That's the rational pitch; here's the emotional one. Margaret is a person and a member of our family. She has my husband's eyes, my hair and my mother-in-law's sense of humor. We love and admire her because of who she is -- feisty and zesty and full of life -- not in spite of it. She enriches our lives. If we might not have chosen to welcome her into our family, given the choice, then that is a statement more about our ignorance than about her inherent worth.

What I don't understand is how we as a society can tacitly write off a whole group of people as having no value. I'd like to think that it's time to put that particular piece of baggage on the table and talk about it, but I'm not optimistic. People want what they want: a perfect baby, a perfect life. To which I say: Good luck. Or maybe, dream on.

And here's one more piece of un-discussable baggage: This question is a small but nonetheless significant part of what's driving the abortion discussion in this country. I have to think that there are many pro-choicers who, while paying obeisance to the rights of people with disabilities, want at the same time to preserve their right to ensure that no one with disabilities will be born into their own families. The abortion debate is not just about a woman's right to choose whether to have a baby; it's also about a woman's right to choose which baby she wants to have.

I am so glad Bauer decided to write this piece and call not just pro-choicers, but our entire society on a severe flaw in its character. And yes, the inclination to abort "undesirables" in our society is a character flaw, no matter how many out there want to justify it.

You know, so many times when those fighting against immorality in this world warn of the dangers our choices could lead to in our society, they get accused of exaggerating the slippery slope. Yet, when abortion was first made legal, I bet many out there said that there was no way women would begin picking and choosing what babies they wanted; "oh, that'll never happen" is probably what they said. Abortion would only be used in dire circumstances for the well-being of women. Yet as time goes by, we see more and more that slippery slopes are beginning to invade our way of life.

From now on, count me out!

2005-10-17T12:09:00.000-07:00

You know, maybe I am just missing something, but I have decided that I just can't read or participate in liturgy discussions anymore. It totally takes away from the Mass for me.

Everything from the controversy over which bishops say which postures are appropriate for what parts of the Mass to whether or not one should wear jeans to Mass or not. I'm just tired of it.

I'm tired of going to Mass and looking around, taking a mental tally of who wears jeans, t-shirts, or flip flops to Mass because of some internet debate I read the previous day.

Tired of peeking up while bowing during the Nicene Creed to see who is doing it as well.

Tired of watch other people receive Communion and mentally noting who is bowing, crossing themselves, genuflecting, or crossing their eyes. Meanwhile, I'm totally forgetting that I myself have just received the greatest gift of the entire universe and of all time 2 minutes ago.

I'm tired of walking up to Communion and instead of thinking about the BODY OF CHRIST I am thinking "Hand or tongue, hand or tongue? OK hand, no tongue..." and then accidentally doing both to the confusion of the priest who almost drops it on the ground

Tired of wondering whether or not to hold hands this week during the Our Father or not, and then holding one neighbor's hand and not the other's who then thinks I am snubbing him.

Its frustrating for me that the more I learn about the Mass, the less I seem to be able to concentrate it.

You know, I don't know what is right or wrong anymore, what are matters of the upmost importance or what could easily be changed tomorrow by a synod, encyclical, or letter from the bishop.

All I know, is that I don't want to know anymore.

Maybe that makes me apathetic, or a bad Catholic, or whatever. But when I see my friends, family, or strangers at Church, I don't want to chalk up another judgment on the board based on how many inches above their knees their skirts are or how casual/uncasual/too casual/appropriately casual they are.

I just want to be glad they are there.

And I don't want to be getting mad at my friends, Church acquaintances, or internet companions anymore because I think they are right/wrong, too judgmental/too lenient, lax/hypocritical. Just like we have filters for violence, obscenity, and sexual content, could I have a filter for liturgical debates that do nothing to draw me closer to God, my faith, or the Church?

I know following the GIRM and Rubrics are important. And of course I don't want to go to an invalid Mass. But all these debates I come across don't seem to do anything other than give one person an avenue for feeling superior to or holier than the neighbor they disagree with. If these discussions actually seemed to edify me and the other participants in some way, then I would indulge. But all I end up coming away with is confusion, bitterness, anger, resentment, and sometimes pride.

Not once have I participated in any of these discussions and have come away with a greater love for the Mass.

I mean, if we truly think about it, shouldn't we all be receiving Communion sitting on the ground in the attic of a neighbor's house if we REALLY want to get technical as to how it is supposed to be done? Because as far as I know, that is how Jesus and the Apostles did it.

So until we go back to that, I am just doing what my bishop tells me and enjoying, celebrating, WORSHIPPING JESUS in the Mass from now on.

A good laugh that makes a good point

2005-10-12T14:22:00.000-07:00

from The Curt Jester.

Married Priests Petition

Preach always...?

2005-10-10T10:27:00.000-07:00

I have many, many friends who are not Catholic, or even Christian. I have encountered many Catholics (and Christians) who find it difficult to maintain relationships with "those from the secular world", and I've always tried to understand and respect their needs, but I am just not one of those people. I dearly love my "secular" friends, and while I disagree with many of their choices and/or lifestyles, the warmth I feel for them never cools.

However, I will say that there is somewhat of a barrier between they and I. I can never share my NFP struggles with them, my efforts in maintaining a regular prayer-life, or the reasons behind why I give my children the names I have (mainly religious reasons). I can't make the jokes I do about the need to go to Confession, the lack of meat on Fridays, and I can't say my silly graces/prayers when I go out to lunch with them ("Jesus was a cool dude, 40 days with out food..." is the one my kids love the most). Well, its not that I can't, but that I don't in order to keep the relationship comfortable.

And here is where my dilemma lies. I have never been one to try and convert my friends, and unfortunately, none of my non-believing friends have therefore been converted. I often wonder about that, whether or not I am culpable in any way for their lack of belief? I have always been one to follow that famous saying of St. Francis...the one where he says something along the lines of "preach always; when necessary, use words". And I really do believe in that. But do I use it as an excuse not to go to a place that makes my heart beat fast and my palms sweat? Do I use it as a crutch in order to justify my inaction?

I will concede that speaking about my faith is not my strong point. If I could write all my friends letters as to why I believe what I do, then that would be much better for me. I don't express myself well verbally. I tend to ramble, repeat myself, and mix things up with my words. And if someone disagrees with me in a verbal argument, I am much more likely to get angry, and show it.

But the part that becomes really disheartening is what has lead me to write about this subject today; how can I evangelize by example when my secular friends have seen me behave so badly? Now, not only am I doing them an injustice by not telling of God's glory in words, but what do I do when I fail to do so in action as well?

I have a friend whom I have grown close with in recent months who is not religious at all, and in the course of our friendship she has heard me gossip on numerous occasions, swear, talk inappropriately about certain things, and she has yet to hear me tell my true feelings on matters of a religious nature out of my fear and a so-called "respect" for those around me. She knows I'm Catholic, that my husband was formerly the youth minister at our parish. She knows I'm religious, and still has seen some very bad sides of me. How can I possibly even begin to show her God's glory? How would I even be justified in uttering God's name in front of her now?

I've hear some use the term "loving people into the faith". I have to admit that I'm not quite sure if I am doing that. oh, I think I am surely loving people, but am I doing so enough that their hearts are changed? Am I loving them in a way where they see Jesus in me and are therefore drawn to Him? If I am following the sayings of St. Franics, do I really have the courage to "if necessary, use words"? Am I even implementing his call to "Preach always" in my relationships?

Serenity Now!

2005-10-09T15:38:00.000-07:00

I saw Serenity last night. I loved it! Everything from the series was wrapped up so nicely, there was a great amount of humor, the action was exciting, and I was totally satisfied with the answers to the questions all us Firefly fans were asking. There is so much I want to discuss about it, but I would be giving key parts of the movie away if I did. But also, there were great things to ponder when it comes to man, belief, free will, choice, and "meddling".

I think this movie will still be highly enjoyable (especially to sci-fi or action buffs) even if you haven't seen the TV series, however, if you rent/borrow/buy the TV series first, then the movie will be so much more enjoyable. Then again, I really want this movie to continue to do well at the box office and I don't want you all to wait for it to come out on dvd. So, it's your call.

Favorite line (you all will know what I mean!):

mal: "did you hear us fight once...?"

crew: "no"

mal: "trap."

Cardinals discuss Communion on the hand

2005-10-07T10:54:00.000-07:00

Communion on the hand versus on the tongue gets attention at synod

I personally receive Communion in the hand because that is how I was taught. I never even knew that some considered it irreverant until a few years ago. I tried to make the transition to the tongue, but found myself so distracted about actually making the change while standing in line and receiving the host, that I was no longer paying attention the the meaning of the Sacrament. So I switched back to the hand.

I admit that it really, really bothers me when people act like receiving Communion in the hand is sinful, especially since the Church has given us permission to do so and therefore no sin is actually being committed. I can totally understand people having preferences, because we all have those. However, some just think that anyone who receives in the hand is desecrating Our Lord. Many site the quote (sorry, no source for this) from Mother Teresa who said the saddest thing she sees in modern times is people receiving Communion on the hand. My husband has also always been bothered by this judgment and retorts with St. Cyril's quote about how we make our hand like a throne for our Lord when receiving on the hand. I was, admittedly, a bit satisfied to also see this brought up in the Cardinals' discussion.

A different perspective was offered by Melkite Patriarch Gregoire III Laham of Damascus, Syria. He quoted the fourth-century writings of St. Cyril of Jerusalem, who described how Communion should be received in the hand as if the hand were a throne for the Lord. Communion in the hand was the common practice in the early centuries of the church.

I did notice that there was reference made to the man who took Communion from a Papal Mass and tried to sell it on eBay. However, I always thought that at the Vatican, Communion in the hand was not allowed, so the argument that he was able to take the host that way seems to not hold here, right? Maybe I am mistaken. However, I do feel that if someone is going to steal the Eucharist, they will do so either by hand or mouth. They will just keep the host in their mouth until out of sight. I think more catechesis needs to be done all-around to stop people from trying to take hosts home for their own private worship or as memorabilia. For those taking hosts for hostile purposes, I think more prayer is certainly needed.

I honestly wish a world-wide policy would be made to stop the debate and confusion among the faithful. I would have no problem receiving Communion on the tongue and changing my habits out of obedience. However, I do not think this will happen anytime soon and that the statement Cardinal Arinze made will be the final word on the matter, and that the debate will continue for years to come.

Cardinal Francis Arinze, who heads the Vatican's worship congregation, responded by saying that arguments could be made for both Communion practices, in the hand and on the tongue, according to information released by the Vatican. Ultimately, he said, it's up to bishops' conferences to decide what is best in each country, but he added that Communion in the hand needs better catechesis.

Slow going with "Julie"

2005-10-06T18:02:00.000-07:00

For those who pay attention to my sidebar, on my current reading list is Julie of the Wolves. This is the latest selection of the book club my sister-in-law and I began for ourselves and our children (well, mine are still a few years too young, ,but we are two of three adults in the club; the other members are ranging from age 7-13). By the way, our official name for our book-club is "Story Seekers".

I'm having a hard time getting though "Julie". I, for one, have a very hard time reading books where there is primarily only one character in the entire book (and no, I am not counting the wolves). I also have a hard time reading books with little-to-no dialogue (I also struggled through Hatchet, our last selection). I think the survival storyline is interesting, but I have to admit that it isn't high on my list of storylines I dive into (unlike my favorite genre: mystery).

However, I will finish, because I do recognize its value, and I don't want to be the aunt-who-never-finishes-a-book.

Why can't we be yard-people?

2005-10-06T17:33:00.000-07:00

If I had my digital camera figured out, I'd show you my yard. That alone will tell you that our yard isn't a complete disaster, the fact I'd show it to you. But it isn't the perfectly trimmed and pruned yard I've always wanted.

Now, this is no fault of my Gorgeous Redhead's. I am not going to nag a man who works 40 hours plus, works every other weekend, goes to school full time, runs an RCIA program, and has 100 hours of practicum internship work to do by December to go out on his few days off that he gets and bust his rump pulling weeds and pruning bushes.

However, my attempts at being an understanding wife would be so much easier if we didn't live on the mow-the-lawn-once-a-week street.

Of course I don't feel too too guilty, beause there was literally a day when I was driving my kids to school and I counted (not exaggerating) SIX gardening trucks up and down the street at the same time. And, I know for a fact others on our street have guys come to do their yards on other days of the week than the day the 6 trucks were spotted. So I feel about the same way as I did when I found out that the two ladies with the cleanest, most beautiful houses I had ever seen had cleaning ladies come in once a week. We just don't have room in the budget to actually have people do the grunt work for us.

I say grunt work because really, my G.R. doesn't mind mowing lawns, raking leaves, pruning trees, etc. What he and I hate are weeds, and stray grass, and bugs, and stuff like that. The grunt work. I mean, anyone can push a lawnmower. I even did that a few weeks ago in my third trimester, which GR did NOT like because he says it makes him look bad when the pregnant lady has to go out there to push the big, bad lawnmower while the guy in the suit drives away to work.

But there are some people whose yards just look...immaculate. And not the gardener-for-hire immaculate. It's the "I've got up every morning at 6 a.m. and bought every spray known to man to protect my plants (and even my sidewalk cracks) and live at Home Depot looking for the latest way to make my yard look even more like heaven-on-earth" immaculate. I would LOVE to be like those people.

I really wish I wasn't the one who was laid up on Saturdays making big-breakfasts and coffee and lounging in my PJ's watching 80's movies (even when not pregnant). I want to be the one with the hat, gloves, and galoshes in my yard making it beautiful.

SIGH.

I guess I'd be asking for a total revamping of my personality though. And G.R.'s.

But as soon as I figure out my digital camera, I'll show you all a picture of my yard. Then you tell me if I'd be the neighbor whose house you'd drive by and groan, "Ugh, I wish they'd do something about that yard!"

Don't call yourselves "Catholic" dissidents, please.

2005-10-04T09:06:00.000-07:00

I am not a subscriber, so I didn't get to read this full story.

Oct. 04 (CWNews.com) - The international dissident movement "We Are Church" is issuing an appeal to the Catholic bishops, gathered in Rome for the Synod, to confront the "real" problems relating to the Eucharist.

At an October 4 press conference in Rome, the dissident group called for reconsideration of the key Catholic doctrine on the transubstantiation, an end to the "hierarchical monopoly" on the sacraments, and approval of shared communion with other Christian denominations.

My question to these "Catholic" dissidents: WHY ARE YOU CATHOLIC? If you don't believe the Eucharist is the source and summit of the faith, how in the world can you call yourselves Catholic? It is as if I claimed to be a Marxist but didn't believe in communism, or if I considered myself an athiest but believed in God! Come on people! Sheesh.

And I love that term, "hierarchical monopoly" on the sacraments.... I know, it's astounding that anyone would expect one to be CATHOLIC in order to receive Sacraments in the CATHOLIC Church. I don't go to France and then complain about the "hierarchical monopoly" on French citizenship, do I? And I just don't see many Protestants beating down our doors chanting, "Give us Confession! Give us Confession!" Or if I do, it is usually the parish's RCIA candidates.

Planned Parenthood allows alleged molester to approve victim's abortion

2005-09-27T12:25:00.000-07:00

I first saw this on LifeNews.com, but the full story can be found on the Cincinatti Enquirer.

It's easier to get an abortion than an aspirin

By Peter Bronson
Enquirer staff writer

Public schools require permits, doctor's permission and written consent from parents to give a Tylenol to a student. It's much easier for an eighth-grader to get an abortion.

All it took last year for a 14-year-old "Jane Roe" was a cell phone number. A staffer at a local Planned Parenthood clinic called the number and got permission - from a 21-year-old man who was molesting the girl and coerced her into an abortion.

The man, now in prison, pretended to be her father on the phone, then posed as her brother at the clinic. He paid with his credit card, and had the girl injected with Depo-Provera birth control, so he could resume having sex with her three days later.

"Jane Roe presented her school identification card, which showed that she was a junior high school student," a lawsuit by the girl's parents says. "(He) presented his Ohio driver's license, which showed that he was 21 years of age and his last name was different than Jane Roe's. (Planned Parenthood) did not question (either) about the differences in their ages or their different last names."

And that was under Ohio's parent notification law. State law also requires notice to law enforcement, because a girl 13 or under who seeks an abortion is automatically a victim of rape.

"I believe they took the ostrich approach," said Brian Hurley, the lawyer for Jane Roe's family. "I think they are doing everything possible to discourage parental consent."

Staff 'actively misled'

Planned Parenthood lawyer Alphonse Gerhardstein says the clinic was deceived. "It's pretty clear that even with trained staff interviewing her, they were actively misled about the age of the partner and the relationship of the partner."

Planned Parenthood has countersued Jane Roe for fraud.

"I think there's tremendous irony," Hurley said. "Here's an organization that portrays itself as a protector of young girls. They know that teenage girls feel tremendous pressure to hide a pregnancy from parents. I think it's unconscionable."

He also claims the failure to notify parents and police is part of a "pattern of practices." That could escalate his local lawsuit into a national battle. Planned Parenthood is already fighting attorneys general in Kansas and Indiana to block access to records of abortions on underage girls. Prosecutors say abortion clinics failed to report child sexual abuse.

Hurley is also seeking Planned Parenthood's records of abortions for girls age 13 and under. "In every single instance, they were obliged to turn that over to police, but the prosecutor's office has never been contacted about suspected abuse."

Gerhardstein says Planned Parenthood takes notification seriously. "They have a program to discourage relationships with older men."

Agreed: outrageous

Hurley says Jane Doe never met with a doctor and was not informed about the surgery or its risks. Planned Parenthood insists they complied with the law. In court records, Hurley says Planned Parenthood was reckless and outrageous. Gerhardstein says Hurley's claims are scandalous and outrageous.

Whatever happens, Cincinnati's Jane Roe should have her name on the "new" 1998 Ohio parent-notification law that is still stuck in court. It requires women to meet face-to-face with a doctor, and minors must get written consent from a parent for an abortion.

Seven years later, the courts still can't agree that surgery to kill an unborn child should require the same parental consent needed for a Tylenol at school.

That's outrageous.

The Mommy Test

2005-09-26T12:00:00.000-07:00

Got this one in an e-mail.

"I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that.

"Why?" my daughter asked.

"Because it's been laying outside, you don't know where it's been, it's dirty and probably has germs" I replied.

At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked,"Wow! How do you know all this stuff?"

"Uh," .I was thinking quickly, "All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mommy Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy."

We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information.

"OH...I get it!" she beamed, "So if you don't pass the test, you have to be the daddy."

"Exactly" I replied back with a big smile on my face and joy in my heart."

Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West

2005-09-25T14:25:00.000-07:00

I just finished reading this novel by Gregory Maguire. It started off very interesting because of all the references to our favorite Oz characters. I think that is where most of the appeal lies throughout the book: we all wonder how we can see the events that unfold through a different point of view. We get excited as each characetr is introduced in the novel and see how their relationships turn out. Yes, there is Dorothy, Glinda, The Wizard, and the Wicked Witch of the East, all connected in intriguing and surprising ways to our "heroine".

However, I will say that if this novel wasn't so closely related to the Baum books or the movie, then the appeal would not be there. The novel is about political strife, the nature of good and evil, the absurdity or necessity of religion, and other themes of similar depth and magnitude. But it left me feeling very dissatisfied with the conclusion of events, and the story moved along very slowly. If I wasn't so interested in connecting its ending to its inspirtations, I wouldn't have finished the book (learning my lesson from a really bad book I wasted my time finishing).

While I found the book interesting, I wouldn't put it on the shelf of literary classics. And certainly not recommended for those who are easily offended by crude sexual language/situations, homoerotic situations, or events intended primarily for shock value (in my opinion). Plus, many of the characters and events were placed merely to finish what the author started, and not because there was a lot of sense or forthought put into the chain of events (such as the dwark and the Yackle). A lot is never truly explained, and it isn't done in a way that left me feeling thoughtful, but rather in a way that makes me say, "Now where the heck did that come from?"

And I thought we were overpopulated?

2005-09-25T14:18:00.000-07:00

Thanks to smockmamma for this one.

France to begin giving financial incentives for citizens to have third child.

Maybe I should move there? Afterall, if they are paying people to have 3 kids, what do they do for people who have 5?

Motherhood Rut

2005-09-21T11:02:00.000-07:00

So the kids have been in school for a month, and I have been trying really hard to stay on a routine and get everything done. I have to admit that I've been in a spiritual, emotional rut about it though. I just don't have it in me to do everything I want to with the kids. Afterschool hours are now off limits to most plans because of homwework, reading time, dinner, clean-up, and getting everyone ready for bed. I seriously can't see how people who have numerous afterschool activities are able to cope, and I really don't know how working moms do it. Just sorting through all the paperwork that gets sent home can take 30 minutes at times.

Last night I went to a Boy Scouts meeting to check it out for the boys. They really wanted to do it, but I found myself in the predicament of having to say no. My second son is in 1st grade, which means he is a part of the Tigers, which involves parent participation at every meeting. I have my two younger daughters with me, which they said would be fine....but I spent so much time chasing after my 3 year old that there was no way I could've been involved with anything my son was doing. To top it off, the meetings are on the same night, same place, but at different times, so we end up being at the meeting place for two different meetings for about an hour and a half. My daughters can't be expected to sit there doing nothing every week. And then there's the fact that being pregnant, I was so uncomfortable and tired. I almost broke into tears just being there.

This on top of tennis lessons, piano lessons for my oldest, catechism every week, helping in their classrooms, my commitments to the MOMS Club, helping out with marriage prep at the Church, and the fact that my husband is gone due to school and teaching RCIA, so I am doing this all alone. I just lost it last night after everyone went to bed. I am not stupid enough to try and do it all, but I guess I feel guilty that I have that selfishness in me that I don't just lay it all down for the kids like some moms do. You know, the moms who have no life but do everything for the kids. I mean, I know that isn't a good way to live, but I feel guilty that I don't even have the desire in me to do that! I just am not made that way... too selfish with my time and MY needs. Does that make sense?

So Gorgeous Redhead told me that we just have to offer it up as part of having a large family. He said we have to accept that we will have to give up some things, such as having all the kids involved in every activity, but that there are so many blessings and benefits to it all as well. Also, being pregnant and then having a baby right in the middle of the school year just makes things very limited right now, but that maybe next year it will be more manageable.

But for now, I'm exhausted. I sleep at least an hour a day when the kids are at school and my youngest is watching a movie (another source of guilt), but I just don't have the physical energy to stay awake sometimes. Things aren't getting done...and I am feeling very helpless and...scared. It's not like when the baby is born I will have any more energy, with sleepless nights and nursing every two hours. I have to admit for the first time since getting pregnant, I have been scared of how I am going to do it all come December.

Not sure if a lot of this is hormones or lack of iron (found out I am anemic and need to take iron pills), but I am just so tired and exhausted and I'm really trying hard not to be. But that only ends up making it worse; the more I try the more it seems I fail, which makes me feel as bad as I did before, so I go take another nap. The cycle continues.

Sorry for the babbling....I just don't have the energy to make this post sound intelligible. But I thought I should post something since it has been so long, even if it's a request for prayers that I survive motherhood!

Prayers that:

-my daughter finally gets this potty training thing down so that my house will stop having patches of smelly urine infiltrating it and driving me mad.

-we don't go completely broke from all the registration fees that all activities seem to require.

-that I manage to be able to keep my head on straight with all the fundraising booklets that are sent home at least once a week. You'd think these people would coordinate fundraisers so that the kids aren't selling 5 different things all in the month of October, but of course not...that would be too SANE!

-that all this exhaustion really will be cleared up with an up in my vitamins and iron.

Prayers for the Torres family

2005-09-12T19:18:00.000-07:00

Baby Susan has died from an infection. The Torres story was an inspiration, even if it didn't have the happy ending we all were hoping for. The fact they valued life even at the earliest stage is an example to us all.

Summer Movie Slump

2005-09-07T10:45:00.000-07:00

I saw a mere three movies this summer. One was the last in the Star Wars saga, and the other two were movies I saw only because my book club read the books and wanted a girls night out. Those two were The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants and Must Love Dogs. Sisterhood was cute and fun, but one you could wait to see on video. Must Love Dogs was horrible and I wouldn't even waste a free movie coupon on it.

Reports are out on how the movie business did this past summer, and the results aren't good. From TVGuide Online:

POST MORTEM: Hollywood has crunched the final summer box-office numbers, and the stats be scary. This summer's releases grossed a total $3.15 billion, down an alarming nine percent from Summer 2004. And when you compare the number of actual tickets sold compared to last summer, the deficit balloons to 13 percent. I blame the $17 Sno-Caps.

I am really hoping that movie execs wake up and realize the problem. Yes, it is way, way, way, WAY too expensive to see a movie at the theater, but there bigger problem; it is way, way, way, WAY too expensive to see a BAD movie at the theater. Hollywood, make better movies! Please! No more junk and recycled ideas. No more poor writing and bad acting. Or rather, no more use of good actors in bad parts just becuase they think one hefty paycheck will tide them over through their string of high quality indie films.

How many truly good movies were at the theaters this year? From what I can tell, Batman Begins was pretty much it, at least from what I hear. Anyone else see any good, full-price-theater-ticket-worthy movies this summer? Cuz if this summer's picks were the best it gets this year, then the Netflix classics section will be loving me for the remainder of 2005.

Planned Parenthood to the rescue!

2005-09-01T16:09:00.000-07:00

Planned Parenthood "helps" hurricane victims with free morning-after pills

First of all, how many people do they really think will need to utilize this freebie? Maybe I'm not reading the right newspapers, but I haven't been hearing anything about the rampant sexual intercourse occurring in the non-air-conditioned shelters with no drinking water or lights. But maybe Planned Parenthood is thinking that with all the victims worrying over the loss of their homes, the whereabouts of loved ones, their grieving over deaths of family members, the stress of surrounding violence, rioting, and looting, the health scare arising due to unsanitary conditions, and the millions of other problems facing them at this moment, that the victims may also be wondering where in the heck they can get some lovin' in as well.

I can see it now. Along with the miles of cars driving out of New Orleans with evacuess, the cars driving in to New Orleans with families searching for ways to help loved ones, with the medi-vans and helicopters rushing in with food, water, medical supplies, and volunteer workers, HERE COMES THE PLANNED PARENTHOOD VAN WITH FREE MORNING AFTER PILLS! I bet the victims are thinking, "Yes, we are saved! Never mind the bottled water, diapers, clothing, transportation, ice, or even some money to aid local emergency agencies. Give us our birth control!" Well done, Planned Parenthood, well done!

Can Englanders really be this....

2005-08-30T16:00:00.000-07:00

...stupid? Naive? Afraid to be real leaders, mentors, teachers, or parents to their children?

Students in an England town will be allowed to curse during class, including while speaking to their teachers, up to 5 times per class period. After the fifth time, they will be "spoken to". For those students who choose not to swear during class, "praise cards" will be sent home.

I personally hail this response to this decision:

But Conservative member of parliament Ann Widdecombe said the policy was based on “Alice in Wonderland reasoning,” the Daily Mail reported. “What next? Do we allow people to speed five times or burgle five times? You don't improve something by allowing it, you improve something by discouraging it,” Widdecombe was quoted as saying.

You know, I'd like to be able to skip paying my taxes for 5 years before being prosecuted, maybe be able to shoplift 5 items of clothing before getting arrested.Ooh, a good one would be to be allowed to skip jury duty 5 times before getting a warrant for my arrest put out! Yeah, I definitely think that last one should be allowed, for sure.

Give me a break. The people who came up with this must be severely behind in their pop culture intelligence. Anyone who has ever seen any movie about a teacher or adult who makes radical changes in their students (most recently, Coach Carter) knows that it is not done by coddling, lowering expectations, or not giving kids enough credit (anyone want to give these administrators Morgan Freeman's number?). Treat kids like they are capable of rising to high expectations, and they'll do it.

NFP Resources

2005-08-28T23:22:00.000-07:00

A commenter on another post asked for some resources (which, by the way, Becca, your comments humble me. Thank you for you kind and lovely words).

Here is a comparison of the different methods of Natural Family Planning.

Here is a page listing some excellent books dealing with NFP (most are Catholic resources, but one book, Open Embrace, is written by a Protestant couple). If you scroll to the bottom, you will also find a list of websites for each method of NFP.

God bless you in your journey!

To Curious....I'm spilling my guts.

2005-08-28T11:59:00.000-07:00

A commenter left a question for me in one of my comment boxes, and I thought I'd address it in a new post.

Just curious, because I'd really like to know. I'm almost 30 and living in the Northeast, and I can barely pay the rent. I am married, but DH won't even think about children until we can do the one-income thing, which considering that he makes $40k and rent is $10k, will be never.

Where do you live in CA that you can afford seven kids and one income, plus vacations and other perks, by age 27?

I wish I could do that. Honest. Not being sarcastic or snarky here, at all, so please don't take the wrong way

curious.

Well, Curious, first of all I don't have 7 kids. Geez, the thought of being pregnant 7 times in 8 years of marriage is enough to make me go take a nap right now! I have 4 kids, with our 5th being due to arrive in December.

And yes, I'm 27, but Gorgeous Redhead is 34.

Secondly, and here is where we are getting into REALLY personal territory, it isn't like Gorgeous Redhead and I are rolling in the dough by any means. If any of you out there live in CA or know remotely what it is like to live here, you will know that our mortgages and rents are astronomical, beyond what the places are even worth. GR and I rent a home and will in no way be in a position to buy one anytime soon. In our area, the median price for a home around 1500 sq. feet is $305,000. Curious, you mentioned your rent is $10k. I figured it out, ours is exaclty (until the terms of our lease are renegotiated at least) $10,800.

G.R. makes... well let's just say not anywhere close to what the median income is for our area. And yes, Curious, it is less than what you stated your income is. He works a full-time job and goes to school full time towards getting his Masters and credential in school counseling (our light at the end of the tunnel). School counselors generally start at about $50,000 per year, and hopefully that will be the case for us in about 2-3 years.

Let me tell you, we don't have the easy life. I very, VERY rarely buy new clothes for the kids. Most of the readers here have heard me talk about my love for garage sales, and I frequent the thrift shops as well as have generous friends and family from whom the hand-me-downs come freely (which I reciprocate in return). The year I had really stylish clothes was the year one of my closest friends lost some weight and I got her fat clothes. Sigh.... but seriously, I was extremely thankful!

We shop at discount stores. I don't think we have purchased anything from the mall that wasn't the result of a gift certificate given for a birthday in years. The grocery store we frequent is the one where it looks like a wharehouse and you bag your own stuff, which for some reason seems to be the secret to knocking at least a dollar off each product (which is the same stuff in regular grocery stores anyway). Yes, being pregnant, it's a pain in the...stomach to bag my own stuff and haul it into the trunk by myself, but it is worth it to me to be able to shop freely without stressing out over spending too much money.

We don't have the mongo cable package most people have. Our cable bill is exactly $13.42, and we get channels 2-27. I get my Alias and Veronica Mars (which I highly recommned you watch, by the way), and G.R. gets his ESPN. The times we truly suffer is when the NBA decides to throw some Kings games on TNT, but other than that, we are happy.

I never, ever, ever buy books. The library is one of my best friends.

We have 2 cars, both incredibly used to the point that we thank God everyday they start (particularly with G.R.'s car, which I don't think is worth even $500). Actually, my van isn't that bad for being 9 years old. I don't want to complain about it at all because everytime I do something goes wrong that next week. My van is great! Perfect in fact! I really, really would not even like a new one at all! I love my van (can she hear me?).

We budget each of our needs. Yeah, there are times we go over and have to rearrange the money from our gas column into the grocery column. And yes, there are times when our discipline goes out the window and we put something on the evil credit card. But I'd say we don't go out of control too much.

When we go to the movies, the kids know it is a really big treat! I think the last time we went as a family was for The Incredibles (since we go so rarely, we make sure that the movie we see is theater-worthy). Our receation time is well chosen, since we have a limited budget for it. But we still get to do a lot (but "a lot" may be a relative term if compared with others). We go out to eat every once in a while. When we do get fast-food, we only get the things from the dollar menu, not the big meal deals (my kids also know that they should be jumping for joy when they actually get a Happy Meal, but they probably should be doing that even if the Happy Meals weren't so few and far between). G.R. and I get a date night and a babysitter every so often. All of it is budgeted in very carefully.

And to be honest, we do not do it all on our own. The kids have health insurance through the state, we get low-income breaks through the phone company, the energy company, and through the city. And...OK...humbling myself here, two of the kids are on the WIC program through the federal government.

As for me, well I know moms who have their hair and nails done regularly, have their Starbucks regularly, get their craft supplies regularly, or whatever. Maybe that's why I like to read and watch TV so much, because they are relatively inexpensive to do. But I'm OK with that. I get my hair cut 2-3 times a year, and yes I do sometimes wish I had the means to be able to look and feel fabulous 365 days a year. But the fact of the matter is that I don't, and I get over it.

So, why lay all this bare for the world to know? Because I think it is important to realize that living on one income, even if it is a low one, isn't impossible. Yes, it is hard, yes it involves some sacrifices, and yes it can be humbling at times. It means having to deny oursleves a little...a lot.

For example, this vacation we just took, I'm not sure what you had in your head that it was, but it was one day at the beach, in which we drove home very late at night to avoid paying for a hotel, and then got up early the next morning for 2 nights in Reno (which if you've ever been there you'd know the hotels are extremely cheap because they want you to spend your money gambling). We saved up a bit for it, and yes we went into the credit card a bit. I personally hate going into debt, but this was going to be the only 3 days off G.R. was going to get off ALL YEAR due to some job circumstances, and I didn't want to deny him some time away. We came home the third day, and then had a very lazy Sunday before work and school began again.

So, we didn't splurge on the hotel at the beach, we didn't go to every tourist attraction we could've, and we didn't go away for a very long time. However, we did what we could with what we had. And I could go off and complain about what we didn't do, or I could decide to be thankful for what I got and let it be a source of refreshment. I chose the latter.

As for the low-income and government help we recieve, that has been a source of stress for us. We've gone back and forth between two mentalities: the first being that no one should have any aid and should completely, 100% support themselves. The second mentality is one that was pointed out to me by a friend, and that is that the aid that is out there for low-income families is there for people like us, people who have a job and a family, who work very hard at their jobs that just happen to be on the lower-end of the pay-scale. The problem is that government aid is now looked upon as being there for moochers, for lazy, irresponsible people. But this aid was long ago set up specifically for hard-working people who have jobs and just need a little advantage. Some would say we should not have kids at all until we can completely do it all ourselves, and to be honest, I can see that point of view. We have had that point of view at different times throughout our marriage. But then we also realize that one day, after my G.R. gets his masters and we are in a higher financial bracket, we won't need it anymore. It isn't like we are seeking to receive this permanently. We aren't trying to milk the system. And, as humbling as it may be, I've accepted that this is one of the ways God provides.

To be honest, most people probably wouldn't choose my life. I have a friend who works part time while her husband works full time, and she is bluntly honest about the fact that it is because he wants his $100 a month digital cable and they like at least a two week vacation every year. She says, "I know I could do what you do and we'd be fine, but I have chosen not to." And that's really what it all comes down to for me. I have chosen this life and we have chosen the sacrifices. So, if I choose to live this way, who am I to complain about it, right?

For me, I have chosen to be a stay-at-home-mom. I don't hate women who work and have families by any means, nor do I feel they are "wrong" or "sinful" for choosing to do so. But, from the time I was young there were always two things I really, really wanted to do with my life: 1. Have a large family and 2. Be a stay-at-home-mom. I'll admit, I desperately wanted these things beause they were completely opposite from what I had growing up. And my childhood experiences have made me who am I today and have strongly influenced the choices I have made. Do I spite others who make different choices? No. I have never understood the mentality SOME have towards me (and other at-home moms) that because I have chosen this life, that I consider those who choose differently from me to be wrong or bad. I don't. But I have to go with my gut, my heart, my mind. And this life, as hard and humbling as it may be at times, feels right. It feels good. I'm at peace with it.

Now, I will say this. I have read on the subject of finances and budgeting a lot, and a lot of what I think doesn't some from my own head, but from some very wise people. There are a couple of them whom I swear by. I Love Larry Burkett, and I frequent the website he refers people to. There is even a section with a budget calculator, where you plug in what you make and then it gives you a pretty good budget to live on. And there are many, many different articles about budgeting throughout their library section, and there's even a "What Mom Really Makes Calculator". I also love Suze Orman's books, particularly. I also love the Flylady's mentality on simplicity and finances, even though she is against yard sales. Sigh, I guess not everyone is perfect.

In the end, I really feel I am living the life God wants me to. I can honestly say that I've grown so much in the areas of financial responsibility, humility, and compassion for the less fortunate. Because I have been given so much from generous people, I find it so much easier to give when I have something extra. When G.R. and I do take a vacation, or have a luxury of some kind, it is never taken for granted.

We all have our crosses in life. Some have health problems. Some people don't have a lot of friends. Some have a lot of past abuse to heal from. God has shown G.R. and I that this life and its struggles is our path to holiness. I don't want to say the word "poverty", because that image brings thoughts of the children in Africa who truly have little, and I don't want to even remotely compare my life to the dire circumstances others in other countries must face. But I feel God has asked me and my family to learn to live without excess, to deny ourselves a bit, to sacrifice for something we really want (lots of kids and an at-home mom). And I think God wants us to live our life this way and let others know that it can be done. Nothing is impossible with God.

Best short joke

2005-08-26T09:47:00.000-07:00

Nominated as the best short joke this year . .

A three-year-old boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath.

"Mom", he asked, "are these my brains?"

"Not yet," she replied.

If loving him is wrong, then I don't wanna be right...

2005-08-23T10:00:00.000-07:00

OK, in many of your eyes I may have just ventured into the realm of being a bad Catholic by my latest choice of reading, but I have to admit that I have been captured. I finally succumbed to the pleading of my book club and to my own curiosity and began to read....the Harry Potter books. I. Love. Them. I flew through the first three. I loved them so much I forced Gorgeous Redhead to listen to me read the beginning of the 4th one to him in the car on our vacation. He. Loved. It. in fact, while I was at the movies last night, he actually finished the 4th book by himself! He stayed up 'til 2AM reading it! And if any of you know Gorgeous Redhead, you will know that him reading any book not having to do with some kind of religious, theological, or philosophical matter is HIGHLY unusual. He cowers away from fiction. He HATES to read.

There. I've said it. I just find the stories and characters incredibly compelling. And as far as the witchcraft stuff goes, if any child (which I wouldn't even recommend these books to kids under 12 anyway) reads this stuff and begins to try to make it a part of his reality, then he probably should be banned from reading ANY book because he obvious has a warped sense of fiction vs reality. The stuff in this book is so obviously fantasy and out-of-this-world. Kind of in the same way Star Wars, the Oz books, or the Neverending Story is. I kind of felt this way after seeing the movies, but now I really feel this way after reading the books.

Phew. Glad to get that off my chest.

10 Things I Learned While On Vacation with My Family

2005-08-22T09:55:00.000-07:00

10. No matter where you go, your kids will still want to eat at McDonalds.

9. While other tourists may think it is so cute when your kid breaks free of your hand and climbs up onto a slot machine and tries to play, the security guard won't.

8. Give the kids plastic cups with lids and straws and they won't spill once; give them their drinks in a fancy restaurant glass and they will spill twice in 10 minutes.

7. The child who is deathly afraid of the bathtub will somehow find the Pacific Ocean to be warm and inviting.

6. Your kids will have fun anywhere there is a glass elevator.

5. Other tourists on vacation standing in line for the bathroom have no sympathy for a pregnant lady and a 2 year old, both hopping around with crossed legs.

4. While in airlines, train stations or bus depots, don't use your stoller to carry your kids; use them to carry your luggage. Employees in these places could care less about lost luggage, but they most certainly care about straggling kids getting in their way. They will bend over backwards making sure you don't lose your kids.

3. The potty-training child will be immaculately clean and accident-free while on vacation, but will pee her pants three times within the hour of arriving home. This is due to 1) the fact that the child wants to check out the incredibly-more-interesting-bathrooms every place she goes and 2) the potty-training child really is aiming to drive her parents crazy.

2. When asked about the highlight of the trip, the children will respond that their favorite activity was swimming in the hotel swimming pool. So in the future, save your money and take them to the local Motel 6 by the freeway, which also is conveniently located next to a McDonalds.

1. While the natural thought is that moms truly get no vacation because they are still "working" taking care of the kids and planning out the details of the trip, this actually is a myth because the kids completely ignore mom due to the total fascination with having dad around for 24 hours non-stop. So in reality, for mothers, vacations are not only a break, but also payback.

From 0 to 200 in 4 seconds

2005-08-11T12:04:00.000-07:00

A couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks. He wanted a new truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town.

He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range.

"Look!" she said. "I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds or less. And my birthday is coming up. You could surprise me."

For her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.

Services will be at Downing funeral home on Monday the 12th, due to the condition of his body, this will be a closed casket service.

Please send your donations to the Think-Before-You-Say-Things-To-Your-Wife Foundation, Dallas, Texas.

Susan Torres' family reveals mystical experience

2005-08-08T02:53:00.000-07:00

The Torres family has revealed some spiritual, mystical details of their experience keeping Susan alive in order to save her unborn child. It's a beautiful testimony. Here's some of my favorite excerpts:

The words that both Sonny and Jason believe they heard, before the life-affirming story of Susan ever reached the ears of a journalist or a newsman, are the following:

“You and others will tell the world of a fight to save a precious life, not to change hardened hearts, but to give hope to those who believe, so that they know that there is more than what they see and hear. Let them come and see for themselves.”

I can vouch that this is what the Torres story did for me!

When Sonny was asked why he thought that the story of Susan had gained such widespread attention he responded: “I guess, and I kind of hope it is, that people are really tired of seeing nothing but Terri Schiavo stuff, they’re really tired of reading about Laci Peterson and her baby just being thrown away. And it’s nice to see somebody that’s going the other direction.”

Karen concurred: “I would say that the Holy Spirit decided that this world needed the story of someone fighting for a little human life. And also, I’ve come to the conclusion that people are kind…kinder than people give them credit for.”

Definitely a message that needs to be out there more- HOPE!

He also challenged those who have callously spoken out against Jason’s decision to keep his wife alive, to come to see the newborn baby. On the radio the day before, Sonny said, he’d heard someone saying that Catholics need to get it into their heads that life doesn’t begin until birth. “Susan was three months early,” he said, “and there’s a lot of abortions that are done on kids her size. All you have to do is stand and look at that incubator…life starts a lot earlier than birth. I just invite them…I’ll show them myself.”

And now, my favorite part of the article:

She continued, “I tell my children, now do you understand why you must go to Church on Sunday’s and keep your spiritual life in order? You can’t get it in good order in the middle of something like this. Faith is the only thing that gets you through.”

To help contribute to the funds to offset the million dollar medical bill the Torres family will face, please go here.

Holy Spirit...

2005-08-05T13:12:00.000-07:00

Come Holy Spirit,
Replace the tension within us with a holy relaxation.
Replace the turbulence within us with a sacred calm.
Replace the anxiety within us with a quiet confidence.
Replace the fear within us with a strong faith.
Replace the bitterness within us with the sweetness of grace.
Replace the darkness within us with a gentle light.
Replace the coldness within us with a loving warmth.
Replace the night within us with your light.
Replace the winter within us with your spring.
Straighten our crookedness.
Fill our emptiness.
Dull the edge of our pride.
Sharpen the edge of our humility.
Light the fires of our love.
Quench the flames of our lust.
Let us see ourselves as you see us,
That we may see you as you have promised,
And be fortunate according to your word,
Blessed are the pure of heart, for they shall see God.

-from Marian Helpers, Stockbridge, MA.

The submission to the Holy Spirit is the secret of sanctity.-Cardinal Mercier

Off for a while...

2005-08-05T13:06:00.000-07:00

Tonight is my daughter's dance ministry performance. She is doing 2 dances; one to the song "Awesome God" and one to the song "This is the Air I Breathe". What I love the most is that the girls sing the songs as they dance; it truly is a prayer. Praise Him with dance!

We also will have family coming to visit and I have many meetings for things I am involved in. Then we get ready for the kids to start school, and we will be taking a short vacation to the beach and also to Reno. So, I will hopefully pop in, but if not, I will probably be more present after the kids have gotten back into school (the 22nd).

So, God Bless to everyone this month, and remember Veronica Mars! You know, the results of my poll have just inspired me to be a little more persistent on it! And all you non-interested folk would just hope I'd drop it...

Where does contraception fit into the Christian life?

2005-07-30T11:05:00.000-07:00

In my search for sources and answers in the debate on contraception, I spoke with my brother-in-law, who graduated from Franciscan University of Steubenville and has just finished his masters in theology and pastoral ministries. One thing he pointed out to me was that in the debate over contraception, we must not lose sight of the big picture. We can argue over Scripture verses and semantics and such, but the bigger question must not be overlooked: where does contraception fit into the Chrisitan life, and more specifically Christian marriage?

We can clearly see in Scripture, that God's most prominent image of the relationship He wants to have with His church, His people, is the image of marriage. God continually, throughout the Old and New Testaments, speaks of Himself as the bridegroom and His people as the bride. He even uses images of the sexual marital act as an analogy of the intimacy He wants to have with us in the Old Testament book The Song of Solomon. The book of Hosea speaks of a woman who was unfaithful to her husband as an analogy of how we as God's people are unfaithful to Him. In Ephesians 5, husbands are told to "love their wives as Christ loves the Church".

Since the marital image is used so much in our understanding of God's relationship to us, we in our Christan marriages must strive to make our marriages like the relationship between God and His people: faithful, unitive, trustworthy, pure, true, completely loving, sacrificial, life giving etc. Our Christian marriages must mirror the marriage God has with His people. Our Christian relationship in marriage must mirror the relationship God has with His people.

With this understanding of marriage being a model of God's love for us, and with the understanding that we must make our marriages like that relationship between God and His people, where does contraception fit? Where would contraception fit into the relationship with God and His people? Where would contraception fit into the marriage of God and His people, the supreme Bridegroom and Bride? Where would the concept of contraception theologically fit into this holy relationship?

If our Christian marriages are to mirror the relationship God has with His people, where does contraception come in? When would God use an image of contraception in His relationship with His people? Where would something that prevents the creation of life be allowed in the ultimate life-giving relationship between the Creator and His creatures?

God would never, has never, and does not in any circumstances use any image of contraception whatsoever in His relationship, in His marriage to His people. Ever.

So, why should we?

A response...

2005-07-30T09:11:00.000-07:00

In another discussion on the issue of contraception and the Catholic Church's stance on it, a commenter on Elena's blog asks for reliable sources stating that the word "sorcery" when used in the Bible refers to contraception. I found this in the forums at Catholic Answers and thought I would share what a user named "BibleReader" posted on the subject:

First, a list of the Scriptural references to "pharmakeia" found in this thread.

Galatians 5:19-21: Now the works of the flesh are obvious: immorality, impurity, licentiousness, idolatry, sorcery [pharmakeia], hatreds, rivalry, jealousy, outbursts of fury, acts of selfishness, dissensions, factions, occasions of envy, drinking bouts, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.

Revelation 9:21: Nor did they repent of their murders, their magic potions [pharmakeia], their unchastity, or their robberies.

Revelation 21:8: But as for cowards, the unfaithful, the depraved, murderers, the unchaste, sorcerers [pharmakeus], idol-worshipers, and deceivers of every sort, their lot is in the burning pool of fire and sulfur, which is the second death."

Revelation 22:14-15: Blessed are they who wash their robes so as to have the right to the tree of life and enter the city through its gates. Outside are the dogs, the sorcerers [pharmakeus], the unchaste, the murderers, the idol-worshipers, and all who love and practice deceit.

Note how each use of the pharmak-related term is paired-up with sinful sexual activity. (Commentators aware of the contraceptive meaning of pharmakeia concede that "idolatry" in the Galatians verse probably refers to fertility worship in the Gnostic temples competing with Judaism and Christianity -- celebrating the Gnostic pantheon with sex.)

Then more is explained in this thread on a slight history of the use of contraception and how it relates to the words "pharmakeia" and "sorcery":

In fact, around 500 B.C., North Africans discovered silphium. It is not the same "silphium" commercially available today. The silphium of North Africa was a fennel-like plant, which grew wild in North Africa -- nobody ever figured out how to cultivate it. Orally imbibed as a tea, it completely disrupted the girl's reproductive tract. It was a very successful contraceptive. Around 400 A.D., the last silphium plant was picked, and the species became extinct.

Remember "Simon of Cyrene" who helped Christ carry the cross in the gospels? Well, Cyrene, Libya, was the main point of export for silphium. In the centuries before Christ, Cyrene even minted a coin featuring a naked girl holding up a fennel plant and pointing to her genital region.

Other popular and somewhat successful contraceptive herbs used before and after Christ were asafoetida, and what we today refer to as Queen Anne's Lace, and pennyroyal. Asafoetida is still sometimes used as an ingredient in Worcestershire saurce. (Please do not go out and brew your own contraceptive teas or drink a bottle of Worcestershire sauce. You don't know enough about quantity.)

All of these contraceptive preparations game to be referred to with the euphemism pharmakeia in the Greek-speaking Roman Empire -- "drugs."

All of this is well-discussed in the March/April, 1994 issue of Archaeology magazine.

The main retailers of pharmakeia in the Roman Empire were sorcerers! -- palm readers, tea leaf readers, and so on.

The local teaveling sorcerer would come into town. The local promiscuous girls would go running to the sorcerer to ask about his or her latest love prospects. The reader would give the usual vague optimistic answer, and then after charging for her reading would open up her box of contraceptive teas, and make some more money selling these.

As a consequence, contraceptives also came to be referred to with the appellation "sorcery," meaning "sorcerer's stuff." Contraceptive curses -- incantations meant to avert conception -- were referred to with the word magiae, "magic."

The reason why you had to read all of that is to understand the exact meaning of a catechetical summary employed in the early Church -- very shgortly after the time of the Apostles -- called the Didache.

Didache 2:2 condemns (1) magiae; (2) pharmakeia; (3) abortion; and (4) infanticide.

Do you see what is going on there? Progressively-invasive anti-reproductive measuresare being condemned -- reproductive curses, contraceptive chemicals, post-contraceptive abortions, and post-birth child killing.

So, the Didache, essentially written in the same era as Paul's letter to the Galatians and as the Book of Revelation, is a reliable benchmark assuring us that when pharmakeia were condemned by Early Church Christians, use of contraceptives was being condemned.

Struggling to get through "Max Tivoli"

2005-07-28T09:02:00.000-07:00

I am currently reading The Confessions of Max Tivoli by Andrew Sean Greer for my book club, and it is taking me forever! I can usually fly through a 200-300 page book in a few hours if I have a quiet day. But at most it takes me a couple of days to read a book. I am currently on day-5 of my attempts to read this book and only on page 167 (I have another 100 pages to go).

The story is about a man who ages in reverse. He is born with the appearance of an old man, and by the time he dies he will appear as a newborn baby, hence being able to guess with great accuracy the year of his death. It is the story of his struggle to act as if he is actually the age he appears, even though he is the opposite inside. And it is also the depserate stuggle to live out the middle of his life to the fullest, where he looks and is the same both inside and outside.

The problem is that I really don't care about anyone in this book. The author has made most of them completely annoying. I don't even passionately hate or disagree with them, and that would at least be something. I find the romance particularly unromantic, and the book moves at such a slow pace that it is difficult to muster up much of a desire to pick it up again after I have taken a break from it (which is quite frequently).

Greer's writing style is very descriptive, so if you like that kind of writing, then you would love this book. You can really get a feel of the sights, sounds, smells, and tastes of late 19th century-early 20th century San Francisco, where this book is mostly set. But some of his descriptions leave me totally confused, as he usues analogies and metaphors that don't seem to make any sense or that seem like a real stretch. Sometimes it appears he writes for the sake of sounding like a great writer instead of using words that truly encompass the mood or meaning of the moment. For example, when decribing the energy of a supposedly romantic scene, he decribes it like the pulse of venom pouring out of a snake. And I tried, really hard to determine why he chose those words to describe what should have been a passionate, romantic moment, but either I am oblivious to his intentions or his choice of words leaves something to be desired.

So, since book club meets tomorrow, I will keep plugging along through this book. But if this wasn't a book club choice, I would've put it down and inevitably returned it unfinished to the library 3 days ago.

Can you tell I have writer's block?

2005-07-26T09:14:00.000-07:00

I have pretty much blogged about absolutely nothing lately. I just have nothing to say when I sit down to my computer. It's a shame. Maybe it is because my kids are all out of school and home for the summer so I find myself devoid of thought whenever I get any free time? Maybe it's because my air conditioner is old and needs some work and so I am too hot to write anything intelligent? Who knows. I have made some comments here and on other blogs, but that's about it. And I have read plenty of things I find interesting, but I usually find some kind of commentary on other blogs or websites that state exactly what my thoughts were, so I end up not writing about it myself. So, excuse me for the incessant links to other interesting places or the plethera of jokes that may be appearing here until I finally find something I want to write about.

A King Solomon Joke

2005-07-25T14:23:00.000-07:00

Here's a joke a priest at our parish told during this past week's Mass.

There were two women who approached the wise King Solomon for intervention in a dispute they were having. With them was a young man, and they each brought their daughters as well.

The first women called out to King Solomon, "Oh, wise, King Solomon, this young man agreed to marry my daughter and begin a family with her."

The second woman said, "No, King Solomon, that is not true. The young man agreed to marry MY daughter. How can we settle this situation?"

King Solomon contemplated this situation. He then told the guard to approach the young man with his sharpest sword, and then said,"We will cut this young man in half, that way each daughter can have half of him."

The first woman said, "Oh, yes this is an acceptable solution. Let's cut him in half."

The second woman said, "Oh, no. Do not shed the blood of this man over this dispute. The other daughter may have him and marry him."

King Solomon said, "Good, it is then settled."

The crowd grew agitated and approached the King saying, "Oh, wise, King Solomon, why did you allow the first woman's daughter to marry the young man? She would have killed him over the matter!"

King Solomon said, "Yes, the first woman indeed would have killed the young man. But she also proved her self to be a true...mother-in-law".

I want to clarify that I love my mother-in-law dearly and have a very good relationship with her. Really!

Woman saved from forced abortion

2005-07-25T14:19:00.000-07:00

I knew about China's policy of one-child-per-couple, but I admit that I had no clue that the situation was anything like what this article described. Since this is a situation I don't know much about, are women's organizations going to the aid of these women? What kind of advocacy is there for victims of this kind of opression? To hear that China was "strongly criticized" just isn't enough for me; why would they care?

Joke for the Day

2005-07-19T09:01:00.000-07:00

Two Lines

When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise, God appeared and said, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who were true heads of their household and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women. I want all the women to report to St Peter."

Soon, the women were gone and there were two lines of men. The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles long, and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man.

God said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you to be the head of your household. You have been disobedient and not fulfilled your purpose. I told you to be the spiritual leader in your family. Of all of you only one obeyed. Learn from him. Tell them, my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"

The man replied, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."

from one of the ladies at CMOMC.

A Meme

2005-07-15T11:34:00.000-07:00

Tagged by both Kate and Renee.

What I was doing 10 years ago: I was working at a local restaurant getting ready for my senior year in high school, unknowingly a couple of months away from meeting my soulmate, Gorgeous Redhead, in September, on a Church retreat team we were both serving on.

5 years ago: Living in Oregon, wanting to move back to California to b near family and close friends, pulling my hair out even though I only had 2 kids at the time, and pregnant with my third.

1 year ago: Spending my summer pretty much the same as this one: keeping active with the kids, taking them to swim lessons, suffering in 100 degree California heat, getting excited about the county fair, prepping one child to enter kindergarten, and spending time with my friends and with the MOMS Club ladies.

Yesterday: Suffering in 105 degree weatherm, and doing pretty much nothing; I slept a lot and had a pretty bad headache. Took the kids to swim lessons and vacation bible school.

5 Snacks I enjoy:
Salt and vinegar potato chips
salami with cream cheese and peppers
peach yogurt
tomatoes with olive oil, vinegar, salt and pepper.
fruit salad

5 songs I know all the words to:
Many ABBA songs
Rich Girl by Gwen Stefani
Gloria by Laura Brannigan
We Go Together by the cast of Grease
We Didn't Start the Fire by Billy Joel

5 things I would do with $100 million dollars:
Buy land for my prish to build all the facilities they need
By a house
Buy a bigger automobile
Take a trip to New York
Go on a shopping spree for all of my family's needs

5 locations to which I would like to run:
Hawaii
New York
New Orleans
Rome
Las vegas

5 bad habits I have:
being extreme: I'm an all-or-nothing kind of person
Talking too much
yelling at my kids when I get angry
eating ice
getting irritated at stupid drivers.

5 things I like doing
reading
going yard sale-ing
talking with friends
swimming in the ocean
being with my husband

5 things I would never wear:
leopard prints
a string bikini
a corsett
black fish net stockings
a mu-mu

5 TV shows I like:
Veronica Mars
Alias
Lost
The Amazing Race
CSI

5 biggest joys of the moment:
Feeling my baby kick
air conditioning
anything having to do with my husband
my kids passing their swim lessons
my 2 year-old's kisses

5 favorite toys:
my computer
my telephone
my TV
can't think of aything else

5 next victims
John B.
Alexa
Elena
Rebecca
martha, martha

It's a....

2005-07-13T22:39:00.000-07:00

BOY! Had our ultrasound today and found out. Now we need to completely rearrange the boys' room around to make room for baby brother.

Been so busy and on-the-go and it is VERY hot here where I live (hit 105 today). Sorry I'm not around much.

Send out a prayer for my baby boy! By the way, I want him to be named Stephen, but we still have until December so I hope Gorgeous Redhead and I don't change our minds.

Unfortunately, this is me.

2005-07-10T17:55:00.000-07:00

The Lost-in-the-kitchen Generation

HYDE PARK, N.Y.(AP) Even as "food culture" blossoms in countless cookbooks and chef shows, many adults simply don't know cooking basics.

Experts blame it on a transmission breakdown. While parents traditionally shared cooking tips with their kids, the passage of kitchen wisdom has become rarer among time-pressed modern families.

On a weekend when other kitchen classrooms at the Culinary Institute of America are packed with adults preparing paella and green mango salad, Chef Greg Zifchak is teaching Chicken Roasting 101.

Fifteen students in Zifchak's "Cook's Skill Development" class mimic his graceful stuffing, trussing and slicing with uneven results. Onions are chopped tentatively and tied-up drumsticks flop around. One student holds a green sprig up and asks "Is this thyme?"

"My mother was a working woman, a career woman," said 38-year-old Beth Nolcox, one of the students. "There wasn't that transfer of skills or recipes."

Call it the lost-in-the-kitchen generation _ as families began eating together less often, a sizable number of people grew up never learning to brown ground beef slowly or to add butter to minestrone to heighten flavor.

John Nihoff, a professor of gastronomy at the culinary institute who studies food culture, said that as society became more work-oriented in the '60s, not only was Mom more likely to work outside the home, but workdays for both parents got longer.

With Mom and Dad both out of the house more, families cooked less and relied more on store-bought food. The old tradition of Mom passing on cooking skills suffered, Nihoff said. He notes that Americans now spend $121 billion a year on "home meal replacements" _ partially- or fully-cooked dinners eaten at home that are bought in restaurants or supermarkets.

Many parents figure: Why roast a chicken when they're already rotating on the spit at the supermarket?

But even in families that prepared home-cooked dinners, younger adults say the after-school focus was more on tending to homework than to cooking.

"I knew how to boil water, but my mother never said, `This is what you have to do.' So I just kind of picked up everything myself," said Laura Boggs, a 22-year-old Albany resident. She took cooking lessons last summer from a "foodie" friend in return for teaching him to play guitar.

"I never touched a food processor before then," she said.

Chef Zifchak comes across adults with kitchen knowledge gaps all the time. He said none of the students in his recent skills class handled knives correctly. And he noticed students seemed overly impressed when he demonstrated how to saute fish.

"It was like, 'Oh my God, he makes it looks too easy,'" he said, "and all I did was heat up oil and put a piece of fish in the pan."

Zifchak accordingly kept his kitchen tips simple: Don't overstir while caramelizing onions, baste a lot for successful browning, leaning on the stove is "very dangerous."

What's being lost is more than just a quaint skill, but an important family tradition that encourages healthier eating, said Lisa Young, a nutritionist and author of "The Portion Teller." She said that instead of baking potatoes and broiling flounder, parents are bringing in french fries and deep-fried fish. A dietof that sort of food can lead to obesity and other health problems, she said.

"It's higher in fat, higher in salt, higher in calories, bigger portions ... and it's lower in fiber and lower in vitamins and minerals," Young said.

There's a danger the problem will become self perpetuating _ a generation without kitchen skills passes on little more than take-out-ordering skills to their children. But Nihoff sees signs of change.

The renewed interest in fresh, wholesome food feeds into the notion of family cooking. People still want to cook _ particularly when they settle down to raise families, he said.

And if Mom or Dad didn't teach them, they're finding how-to-cook information through other sources. Cookbooks touching on everything from eggs to escargot are a boom business. Food shows are on 24-7 and there's a rapidly growing number of culinary courses available _ like the daylong course Nolcox took with Chef Zifchak.

Midway through, Nolcox admitted that rushing around the kitchen and prepping chicken with partner Monique Heenan was a little different than watching chefs on TV. But despite the sweltering heat and stray hairs pasted to her forehead, she said she was happy:

"It's exciting to be a real chef!"

My parents both worked quite a bit. When my mom did cook, she preferred to do it alone in the kitchen; I guess it was her down-ime or something. But I pretty much was completely ignorant of cooking and kitchen-knowledge when I got married. In fact, anything domestic regarding cooking, cleaning, homemaking, etc., was something I was ignorant of and have had to slowly learn throughout my married life.

It is frustrating not being the "perfect happy homemaker" like I always wanted to be, but I do my best, which probably doesn't measure up to some. What will probably happen is that I will finally get it down the day before my kids leave the nest. Isn't that how it always is? When we finally master something, it is then time to move on the the next task.

Thankful to have seen...

2005-07-04T09:53:00.000-07:00

...Hotel Rwanda last night. It's a perfect way to begin the 4th of July holiday. I woke up today completely thankful for the country we live in, the freedoms we have, the security we have, and the fear that we don't have and can't completely understand without having lived it. Another thought that brought me gratitude, but also much guilt, is that if I were in another country and something bad happened to me, I would either be saved, rescued, fought for, or internationally mourned, not because I am a human being, a child of God, or a victim, but because I am an American. All of us who are American citizens have much to reflect on today. Independence Day? I'm thinking that today is actually Thanksgiving.

Inside Annullments: pre-marital sex, contaception, and abortion

2005-07-04T09:43:00.000-07:00

Here is a very interesting article that gives us the perceptions and conclusions of a canon lawyer who deals with annullments on a regular basis.

Here's one interesting point:

Why is this an issue? To begin, the problems that lead to divorce are often already noticeable during the courtship. Yet couples who engage in pre-marital relations will commonly overlook these differences. Thus the problems remain unresolved going into the marriage. Once married, however, these problems are both harder to resolve and more difficult to ignore.

“I knew this was a problem,” many women share during their interview. “But I had invested so much into our relationship.” This is a common euphemism when a woman engages in pre-marital relations. She cannot break off the relationship without feeling used. Men tend to state things more bluntly: “I had my doubts, but we were living together. So I felt obliged to marry.”

Notice how pre-marital sex creates a false intimacy within an insecure relationship. The couple feel compelled to marry. This compulsion arises neither out of love, nor from a desire to build a life together. Rather, the decision to marry arises from a guilty conscience.

This would greatly explain the high rate of divorce among couples who have lived together before marrying.

There probably would be some who diagree with points in this article, but how can we dispute what this man has actually witnessed and experienced with these couples? It's a very interesting perspective.

Deep Impact

2005-07-02T13:17:00.000-07:00

Am I the only one who isn't so keen on this idea? I know, I know, NASA hitting a comet to study its origins is great and wonderful in the name of science and knowledge. But am I being paranoid if I am a subscriber to the idea that curiosity killed the cat? Well, obviously at least one person thinks I'm a dimwitted peon:

"Some people think we ought to give it a try. Others are shocked at the idea of blowing up an innocent little comet that never did any harm to anyone. Converting a periodic comet (like Encke) into a mass of bomb plasma seems to them as bad as shooting a faithful old horse and selling it to a glue factory."

On that scale, comparatively speaking, the worst that will happen to Comet Tempel 1 on the Fourth of July is that we’ll give it a black eye.

I'm sorry, I know a lot of people who get angry over getting a black eye, much less a powerful, destructive comet. Has anyone over there read Ray Bradbury's The Sound of Thunder? Isn't that the story of the time traveler who removes a prehistoric butterfly and ends up destroying the planet and humankind as he knows it? I just think that when it comes to nature, there's just some things we shouldn't be messing around with.

But I'll still try to watch it tomorow night.

Busy Busy...

2005-06-30T11:15:00.000-07:00

I have been very busy and this is the first time in about 5 days I have been online for more than 10 minutes. It has been very good though, as I have been very productive and my house has been relatively clean for a good stretch.

I plan on being MORE busy, so will be scarce, but have many things to look forward to.

Tonight is the MOMS Club banquet for my local chapter. Tonight it also the night they install new officers, and I'm going to be secretary. It's a very easy job that, for some reason, wasn't filled at the time of elections. I thought, "This position is vacant? Are you kidding me?" Normally it is the difficult positions of president or membership vice-president that are the toughest to fill. So, I volunteered. My husband (Gorgeous Redhead, as I have decided to term him in my posts) is very doubtful that even with an easy position that I still won't be able to avoid stressing myself out. Hmm, I'll take that as a challenge!

Swimming lessons begin next week, the day after a fabulous 4th of July party I plan on attending at a friend's house. I will also have Vacation Bible School to haul the kids to in July, and Dance Ministry continues for my daughter 3 times a week.

By the way, the kids book club had its first meeting last weekend. It was a blast! Everyone loved Holes. However, A Wrinkle in Time has been postponed and we are going to read Hatchett instead. That was the choice of the only boy in the club. The next meeting we will hopefully come up with a cool name, rather than just calling it "book club".

Last night we went to a newly married couple's home for their house blessing and some prayer in the form of Praise and Worship. It was something much needed for both Gorgeous Redhead and I. One thing I have noticed is that whenever I experience deep prayer or spiritual renewal, I also experience intense, romantic feelings towards Gorgeous Redhead. I think that when we are filled with the Holy spirit, we tend to feel renewed and rejuvenated in our lives, work, ministries, and vocations. Well, my #1 vocation and ministry is Gorgeous Redhead, and I think those romantic feelings are God's way of renewing me, if that makes sense. I love it, and of course G.R. does as well. But I find it to be a very interesting phenomenon.

Blessings for now. Hopefully I can catch up on all my regular reads at some point, but the more busy I get, the more elusive that goal becomes.

Additions to my must read list

2005-06-24T16:02:00.000-07:00

Along with A Wrinkle in Time and The Confessions of Max Tivoli, I also am planning on reading these titles, hopefully soon:

Good in Bed by Jennifer Weiner

The Second Summer of the Sisterhood by Ann Brashares

The Magician's Nephew (#1 of the Chronicles of Narnia) by C.S. Lewis

Fever Pitch by NicK Hornby

Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West by Gregory Maguire

The Fellowship of the Ring by J.R.R. Tolkein

An ongoing discussion on the issue of contraception

2005-06-23T23:15:00.000-07:00

I am engaging in a very interesting discussion on John's blog about contraception, and have responded to a very long comment by making my own very long comment. I am posting it here mainly for purposes of copying and pasting in case Haloscan cuts me off again:
***********************************

Dan, some of the things I found very difficult to address regarding your comments comes from the fact that you have a much more Protestant-minded way of looking at issues of Scripture, tradition, faith, and morals. I personally don’t believe that most of us faithful people have the knowledge, understanding, and especially the authority to interpret Scripture in such a way as to make decisions as to what doctrines are to or not to be followed in present-day Chrisitanity, and it seemed to me that you would disagree with me on that. All your arguments about the spirit of the law, changing with the times, exploring other opinions of those outside the faith, etc. are all fine arguments to make, but to me as a Catholic, it still doesn’t matter because I cannot go against the authority of the Church which was given to them by Christ. Until the Church, in a Council, encyclical, Catechism revisal, or in the form of a Papal ex-cathedra statement, changes the teaching on contraception, I and no other Catholic has the authority or right to disobey it. Period.

"Christ went against many of the “rules” of the time, and it became clear that the spirit of the law was what was important. The rules themselves might even have to change to maintain the spirit of the law relative to the times."

Christ had the authority to do whatever He pleased. The Church’s authority to change anything was only given to them by Christ. If the Church does not change something, we as the faithful, trusting in the authority Christ gave to the church, have no right to make our own changes.“ Matthew 16:18-19 says “And so I say to you, you are Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church, and the gates of the netherworld shall not prevail against it. I will give you the keys to the kingdom of heaven. Whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven; and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.”

"And we have to explore the teachings – not just of the Catholic Church but other Christian faiths as well, and understand why they decided to make the decisions that have been made."

Explore teaching of those who left the faith or who are outside the faith making decisions that go against doctrine and sound theology and authoritative teaching? Fine, explore. Agree with, hmmm, maybe for some. But to implement those as a part of our Catholic lives and commit an act of disobedience? No, not that.

You gave you own opinions as to what the Genesis passage regarding Onan meant. However, by what authority? Have you studied Old testament writings, languages, cultures, etc.? I know I haven’t. And so to hand over my trust to you or anyone else in regards to what that scripture means would be ridiculous on my part. Personally, as a Catholic, I trust more in the Magisterium of the Church, which is filled with Biblical scholars who have devoted their lives to the study of not only the Scriptures, but to upholding the truth and teachings of Jesus. I trust more in their authority, which has been given to them by Christ Himself. And in Catholic teaching resulting form this authority, they have interpreted that passage to be a reference in the condemnation of contraception.

"...and therefore basing one’s entire reproductive philosophy on this passage may not wise."

No one, not even the Church bases their entire reproductive philosophy on that passage. There are many other passages, including some in the New Testament, that reinforce the Church’s teachings on contraception. I’ve mentioned this subject in previous comments.

You pointed out that Humane Vitae says: (emphasis mine)
“Similarly excluded is every action which, either in anticipation of the conjugal act, or in its accomplishment, or in the development of its natural consequences, propose, whether as an end or as a means, to render procreation impossible”

It also then later says:
“If, then, there are serious motives to space out births, which derive from the physical or psychological conditions of husband and wife, or from external conditions, the Church teaches that it is then licit to take into account the natural rhythms immanent in the generative functions, for the use of marriage in the infecund periods only, and in this way to regulate birth without offending the moral principles which have been recalled earlier”

Then it clarifies by saying:
“In reality, there are essential differences between the two cases; in the former, the married couple make legitimate use of a natural disposition; in the latter, they impede the development of natural processes.”

As John has stated in his blog it does appear that the first two statements are in conflict. The first makes a blanket statement, the second makes an exception.”

The first does not make a blanket statement against preventing conception. I emphasized the word “action” in the first statement because it is saying we must not take any “actions” to interfere with the sexual act. It is not a blanket statement about never preventing coneption…with an exception later stated. There is no inconsistency in Humane Vitae.

"The last and a large part of humane vitae on this subject seem to place the emphasis on that fact that NFP is OK because it does not interfere with the natural order. This seems to be largely based on tradition and not on scripture."

For one thing, as I have said before, the teachings on contraception do have root in Scripture. However, Tradition with a capital “T” and tradition with a small “t” are different. Traditions such as the ones on contraception, Mary the Mother of God, the Mass, etc. are not minor things which can be disregarded. This is where I see things from a primarily Catholic point of view. You seem to minimize the role Tradition plays in the Catholic faith. It is essential to our faith.

"Some argue that the allowance for birth control is a slippery slope, but in reality that has not been the case in protestant faiths… The slippery slope of contraception has been experienced not so much by active people of faith as by those that are not actively involved in faith institutions."

That is a whole other topic, but I strongly disagree that the introduction of the widespread use of contraception in our society has not caused a slippery slope. We certainly cannot separate the “secular” people from the “active people of faith” when it comes to issues of divorce, abortion, sexual sins and the like. The statistics show that these problems range equally among Christians as well as non-believers.

"Whether something is natural or not, as Humane Vitae discusses, does not seem to me to be an argument for whether it is moral."

You are correct in this, hence why the reason the Church condemns contraception is NOT BECAUSE IT IS ARTIFICIAL, because it also condemns natural forms of contraception like pulling-out. Once again, the Church approves the use of artificial devices such as glasses, braces, prosthetics, etc. and so to claim it is the unnaturalness of contraception that is the issue is inaccurate. The Church condemns contraception because it interferes with the sexual act in a perverted way.

"Furthermore I do not see how scientifically determining when you are not fertile and only engaging in sex during infertile times is any more “open to life” than using a barrier."

Once again I agree with this in a sense, because one could easily experience failure in the use of contraception and say, “well, if it fails, we will accept the child that comes and therefore we are open to life”. However, once again the issue is misunderstood. The Church does not condemn not wanting children at different points in a marriage or preventing conception at particular times, but condemns interfering in the act of sex in order to do so.

"I love the concepts and backgrounds of NFP. If it worked for us we would probably still be using it. But there are people for whom this method CANNOT and WILL NOT work. This leaves us and those people in a moral quandary."

Based on information I have received, what you have said is probably true. There are some people out there who just can’t find success using the typical methods of NFP. However, this does not mean that there are no alternatives in family planning for these couples that also fall within the boundaries of Church teaching. Here is some of what my friend, a certified NFP teacher with an extensive background in medicine, said was an option for these situations:

“…there are morally acceptable means of avoiding pregnancy.

One is a fertility monitoring device sold in Canada and Europe called Persona which is a pee-on-a-stick type thingy with a little monitor that measures the levels of reproductive hormones in the woman's urine. It is respectably effective (96% I think - better than barrier contraceptives), but is not designed for women with VERY long cycles.

Women with very long cycles would do better with a different fertility monitoring device called the Ovarian Monitor (manufactured and sold in Australia) which is more complicated to use, but also measures hormones via the woman's urine and is EXTREMELY accurate and reliable.

If you go here http://www.catholicmom.com/pdf/method%20comparison.pdf and look near the bottom there are desciptions and contact/purchasing info for both devices.

Probably this will just open up a debate about why fertility monitoring devices are any different than contraception because they are technology and the answer (as I think you already know) is that contraception is wrong not because it is artifical or technological (after all a thermometer is technology too), but because it alters intercourse (or the parts of the body intended to be involved in intercourse) falsifies the 'language' of the marital act.”

This friend of mine writes numerous articles on almost every aspect of NFP and the teachings against contraception. They can be found on http://CatholicMom.com/ and here is also a link to an article written for Envoy Magazine that addresses some of the things you brought up: http://www.envoymagazine.com/familyplanning.htm

Some additional comments made after the one above:
As far as disagreeing versus disobeying. All of your examples do not lead to a moral conflict of conscience to go ahead and obey even though you disagree. It is a different story if obeying goes against your conscience. In the end when you stand before God, it is you, God, and your conscience, and "the Church said so" will not cut it.

The Catechism of the Catholic church has a great section talking about the moral teaching authority of the Church and its infallibility in "elements of doctrine, including morals..." in sections 2032-2040. The above quote was from 2035. But in section 2039 it specifically says "As far as possible conscience should take account of the good of all, as expressed in the moral law, natural and revealed, and consequently in the law of the Church and in the authoritative teaching of the Magisterium on moral questions. Personal conscience and reason should not be set in opposition to the moral law or the Magisterium of the Church."

More on obedience of conscience in 1790-1794.
"A human being must always obey the certain judgement of his conscience. If he were to deliberately act against it, he would condemn himself. yet it can happen that moral conscience remains in ignorance and makes erroneous judgements about acts to be performed or already committed. (1791) This ignorance can often be imputed to personal responsibility. This is the case when a man "takes little trouble to find out what is true and good, or when conscience is by degrees almost blinded through the habit of committing sin." In such cases, the person is culpable for the evil he commits...(1792) ...assertion of a mistaken notion of autonomy of conscience, rejection of the Church's authority and her teaching, lack of conversion and of charity: these can be at the source of errors in judgment in moral conduct."

And finally, in regards to teaching by the Magisterium, it says in section 891: "...the faithful are to adhere to it with religious assent..."

Off topic issues brought up:

"I would even go so far as to say that perhaps Paul’s view on women was so colored by the understanding of women in the time that some of his teachings on women are flat out wrong. Or at least wrong in today’s world where women are now educated."

Which teachings of Paul on women are you referring to, because he really upholds the dignity of women in his Epistles, particularly regarding marriage?

"It took the Protestant reformation to bring the church to the realization that Vatican 1 and 2 were necessary"

Where did you hear this, out of curiosity… I’ve never heard of the Protestant Reformation as being the “inspiration” for anything regarding Catholic teaching.

"and I would argue that the Church places an overemphasis on tradition sometimes to the detriment of quickly changing teachings that are obviously incorrect - for example Indulgences, The Inquisition, and the Crusades."

As I’ve said, the Crusades and Inquisition and such are not “teachings”, doctrines, disciplines, etc. of the Church whatsoever. And the teachings on Indulgences have remained the same. The problem was that the corrupt priests of the time where abusing and taking advantage of the parishioners who lacked knowledge in knowing that Indulgences should have nothing to do with money. It was a wrong in the actions of the priests, not a teaching that had to be remedied.

The Guys' Rules

2005-06-23T13:02:00.000-07:00

Got this from a post on Catholic Mom Community.

Today's humor:

Men always hear “the rules” from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are men rules! Please note... these are all numbered “1” ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.
1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don’t mind that, it’s like camping.

Saw The Sisterhood...

2005-06-22T08:36:00.000-07:00

The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants was a good movie, and I cried in the same parts of the movie that I did in the book. They did change a lot, but the basic concepts and storylines were the same, except for Lena's. Her storyline was completely revamped, but I think it was to give one of the girls a love story that lasted more than 2 minutes in the movie. But, for the most part, well done. It was PG, but not for little kids due to some of the content.

Let Parents Be Parents

2005-06-21T10:19:00.000-07:00

Whenever we think of children having fun, being free, being childlike, we think of them doing things like jumping on the beds, swinging from the trees, singing silly songs in loud, nasally voices, tying each other together the way pirates do with a jump rope, building indoor forts with every blanket and pillow in the house. And yes, these are the classic things kids do to have fun.

And then, in the background we always see the wet blanket, aka Mom, with hands on her hips and scowl on her face. "I said, no jumping on the bed! One of you could fall off and hurt yourself." "SIGH! I just folded all that laundry, and you've taken it all and messed it up!" "If your going to sing, please do it quietly." "Jump ropes are for jumping with, not tying each other up! One of you could get rope burn."

We always feel sorry for the kids, saying, "Let kids be kids". But I am taking a new approach. Why don't we "Let parents be parents?"

I mean, we had our fun as little ones making tents our of our Barbie/GI Joe sheets. We know what its like. But let's face it, we couldn't fit into one of those homemade forts now even if we wanted to. And we know all too well what sorts of nasty crumbs are residing in the needs-to-be-vacuumed floor and don't really want to be playing house down there anyway.

We've seen Dateline and 20/20 too many times to know that kids do fall off their beds and crack their skulls open, or at the very least, split their lips or heads open leading to a trip to the emergency room and the shelling out of a $50 copayment that you really don't have right now. Does this objection dampen the monkey-mood of the house? Sure, but is it unreasonable or unrealistic? Absolutely not.

And yes, I remember how fun it was to sing, "When your riding in a Chevy and your pants are kind of heavy, DIAHRREA!" But when you are trying to pick out the best tomatoes in the crowded grocery store with a cart full of rambunctious kids surrounded by others adults also handling food items, do you really want your kids to be loudly singing, "Scooby Dooby Doo, took a poo, and Shaggy thought it was chocolate! Then he took a bite, it wasn't right, and now he's in the hospital!" Inside, do you laugh? Of course. Heck, you might even be putting your hand over your mouth to hide the involuntary chuckle trying to come out. But does that make it wrong when you say, "Kids, please do not sing that song in public! In fact, don't sing it in my presence at all!"

I'm all for kids being kids. I know they need to be carefree and rowdy and loud, but could I please get some props here? I have a house to run and sanity to maintain, which was already compromised when I pushed those bundles of joy out in the first place.

Besides, what fun is it to jump on the beds when your mom says, "Go ahead, we need a new mattress any way." What fun is it to sing gross songs if your dad bends over and says, "You think that was gross, watch this..."

And even into the teenage years, what fun is it to sneak out every once in a while if you have no curfew? What fun is it to sneak a kiss behind the gym at the Friday night game if your mom calls out "Remember, safe sex!" when you leave the house?

Being a kid just wouldn't be any fun if it weren't for parents laying down the law. There would be no rules to break, no house to mess up, no one for whom those actions would drive insane. And let's face it, the kids have to admit how much fun it is to jump up and dash to the nearest hiding spot when you hear the shrieking, piercing yell speed through the house saying, "Who spilled this paint all over my newly-mopped kitchen floor!"

So yeah, give your kids a break. Let them be kids. But to all those movie-makers, authors, storytellers, psychologists, and idealists who give us moms and dads a hard time I say, "Let the parents be parents!"

Latest Reading

2005-06-20T12:38:00.000-07:00

I read, and finished, Holes by Louis Sachar last night. I personally loved the story, the coincidences, the mystery, and the messages in this book. Basically, it is about a young boy sent to a juvenile detention camp where the "campers" must dig a hole, five feet deep and wide, every day. Although the idea is for this exercise to build character, we soon find out that all is not as it seems, and that time has a way of making up for generational wrongs.

This book was for the book club my sister-in-law and I started, and this upcoming Saturday we will have the children and 3 adult participants over to my house for discussion and then we'll all watch the movie together. I can't wait, and have been online all day finding discussion questions, games and activities for the gathering. For snacks I hope to serve lots of "hole"-y goodies (donuts, olives, and such) and of course, in spirit of the book, peaches and onions. Although not too many onions because I don't think many will eat them. We also will be discussing a name for our book club and future selections. Our immediate future selection: A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine l'engle.

I also finished The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon, a good book coming from the perspective of an autistic teenager. I thought it would be a mystery all the way through, but the mystery was actually solved about half-way through, and the remainder of the book was the consequences and emotional turmoil the main character had to confront as a result. I thought the point of view of an autistic person was such an interesting world to enter into, although quite exhuasting. The book is very humorous as a result of the extremely literal and logical viewpoint of the teenager, who points out many things us "normal" folks say and do that really make no sense whatsoever.

This book was for my MOMS Club book club, and up next for us is The Confessions of Max Tivoli by Andrew Sean Greer, about a man who goes through his life aging in reverse. Tomorrow night we head out for a girls' night to watch The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants by Ann Brashares, which was a fun and easy read about four girls bonded together by friendship and a pair of pants that magically fits them all perfectly.

Dance Ministry

2005-06-13T10:49:00.000-07:00

I took my daughter to her first Dance Ministry class today. Basically, it is a summer program just like any other dance class, except it is all to Christian music and each class is begun with prayer. The emphasis is not on performing in the typical sense, but rather the theme is "Praise Him with Dance!" My friend started it a few years ago as a way to do some kind of ministry in her parish that she loved and had enough knowledge in. I love this idea, and I greatly admire my friend, Francine, the coordinator of it all. She started this program because rather than sitting down and looking through the Church bulletin at the typical ministries she could have volunteered for but wasn't really excited about, she started something completely new. She brought a fresh idea to the parish, and they responded excitedly. I participated last year in the adult women's dance, but this summer I am much too pregnant to do so. My daughter's song for her dance is "Awesome God", and she is also doing a Polynesian dance, but we won't find out that song until tonight. The performance is in August, with practices twice a week until then. It is also nice because us moms can sit and have some great fellowship with other Catholic moms while the girls are practicing, and the kids are introduced to other Catholic kids from around the area. All around, it's a spiritually beneficial committment we will gladly make every summer.

I don't want to be picky....

2005-06-10T15:22:00.000-07:00

I am glorifying in the Spurs win over Detroit last night, the first game of the NBA finals, which opened with Alanis Morissette singing the national anthem, and Will Smith then performing his latest hit "Switch" for the crowd. Now, I don't want to be picky, but what is the NBA thinking by having the most watched series of the year set in the southern United States state of Texas open with a Canadian singing the national anthem and a Philadelphia fan performing a hip-hop song (please, this is no offense to Canadians, Philadelphians, or hip-hoppers)? I mean, I love Alannis and I think Smith is alright, but where was the country tunes? Where was anything resembling San Antonio? Even something resembling Tex-Mex would've done. Am I wrong here?

Book Clubs

2005-06-10T11:22:00.000-07:00

My sister-in-law and I are beginning a children's book club for us and our children to last through the summer. Our first pick is Holes by Louis Sachar. I am really excited about this because as a kid, I didn't take advantage of the wealth of possiblilities in literature that I should have. I have always loved to read, but my immature choices are something I totally regret about my childhood. I started off, of course, with typical girls' fare such as Sweet Valley Twins, Sweet Valley High and The Babysitters Club. Oh, of course I read the classics when assigned to in school. I also read all the Judy Blume and Beverly Cleary books. However, my regular choices were the stupid, and sometimes immoral choices offered to many young readers these days. I was hugely into Christoper Pike in my pre-adolescent years, then moving on to Stephen King and Dean Koontz (back when he still used his middle initial in his name) by the time I was eleven years old! I had never even read the Anne of Green Gables series until 4 years ago, along with Jane Eyre and Little Women! I know, horror of horrors. These latter three are now on the list of my absolute favorites.

So, I am making up for lost time. After Holes, I think we plan on reading A Wrinkle in Time, which I have fortunately read (I'm not a complete literary savage), and we will determine future reads as the weeks come.

My sister-in-law is working towards becoming a teacher with her emphasis in English Literature, and has been opening up these children's classics throughout the past year or two. Fortunately, her children have been introduced to proper literary choices for kids, so my neices and nephews are excitedly joining us in this venture. We also have some children of other family and friends' joining us, as well as one other mom.

I also think it would be neat to have movie nights with some of the movies made from the books we read, but only the worthy ones. I hear Holes was a good adaptation. Does anyone know how A Wrinkle in Time fared? I can just imagine me and my two female companions surrounded by a group of children under twelve beneath fleece blankets with bowls of popcorn interspersed throughout the group. Sounds like fun to me.

Meanwhile, I am continuing with my book club that I have belonged to for about 4 years now with the local chapter of the MOMS Club that I belong to. There's five of us ladies in it currently, whom I adore and will probably always be reading with throughout my life. Our current selection is The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time, which I am so far loving. It is a murder mystery as seen through the eyes of an autistic boy. It is an easy read, but following the boy's line of thinking can be quite tiring at times. We also read The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants this month. We like to read books that have been turned into movies in order to have an excuse for a movie-night out with the girls (and dinner of course). We are still waiting on Shopgirl to be released, as we read that book almost 2 years ago in anticipation of the movie. Anyway, our book club is a mixture of treasure and trash, depending on our mood. It is a most casual book club with much variety, and perfectly suited to my tastes and mood swings in reagrds to reading.

SO MANY GOODIES!

2005-06-09T14:24:00.000-07:00

OK, Lost fans, there are so many great clues and goodies on the Oceanic Airlines website. I have spent WAY too much time pouring through the site trying to find them all, and here is a link to the Lost message boards that pretty much describes every clue to be found on the site. Great fodder for those of us desperately trying to get through the summer until season two starts. For starters, there's a preview of season 2, hidden messages from survivors, a page from a first draft of the season finale script which describes the monster, Kate's mugshots, the Marshall's ID, and more!

Addition: A new interview with "Sawyer" (Josh Holloway) is up on MSN news page, and he says...(don't read if you don't want to know a cool clue from the season finale about "the others")......

Sharp-eyed viewers may have noticed something about the people on the boat, but if not, Holloway says, "There were twins, which I don't know if you could tell. They were identical twins, which was really spooky. There again, that wasn't emphasized."

There also may be more footage showing what happened when everyone was forced off the raft. "They filmed some stuff of us in the water that they cut out," Holloway says. "I'm wondering if they're saving that for the premiere. I'm hoping that it wasn't for no reason, because it was cold and it was 3 in the morning when we got there."

Oh. My. Gosh: Attention Lost Fans!

2005-06-07T09:49:00.000-07:00

Attention: DO NOT go to my link to Kristin's column if you wish to remain spoiler-free on your favorite shows, including Lost and Veronica Mars! Or, to read more about what's below, just skim through the column until you hit the info on page 2.

Got this from page 2 off of Kristin's column. So cool! Can't wait to do some more surfing around on this find!

Here's what you do:

1. Go to the "official" Oceanic Airlines Website.
2. At the bottom, where it says "Travellers," enter Hurley's unlucky lottery numbers: 4, 8, 15, 16, 23 and 42.
3. Click the "Find" button.
4. Click on the row numbers on the flight's seating chart that match Hurley's numbers.
5. Don't blink.
6. Change shorts.
7. Figure out what the hell it all means.
8. Email me.
9. Keep digging. The site has much more to spill.

I read her column every week, and love the info, although I try to skip over the spoilers. I'll be checking in with her to see if this site has more to offer.

Edited to add: OK, I've had some tell me the site is no longer working right. Basically, when all the above was done, there was a really cool preview of season 2 that was very ominous, intense, and had some phrases that may give a hint as to what exactly the direction of the show will be next season. It was good stuff; sorry if no one else caught it.

Energizing Grace

2005-06-06T18:35:00.000-07:00

I haven't been around lately. I've literally had three weeks of visiting family and lots of gatherings and parties to attend, with more coming this weekend as well. I tried to skim a few blogs, but there is just no way I will catch up on everyone's posts on my blogroll. Hopefully I can at least nurture my blog once or twice a week throughout the summer.

Speaking of summer, which I was hoping would be restful, I have much to do with swim lessons, Vacation Bible school, dance classes, etc. At least there isn't the constraint of having to be at all these places by 8:10 in the morning.

I've been struggling a lot with some of my relationships, but God has been really good to me by speaking truth to me in the silence. I haven't been online, or watching TV, or listening to much music, which gives me lots of time for conversation with God.

One thing revealed to me was how self-centered insecurity truly is. In some of my relationships, I have been feeling very insecure. I question every move I make, every word I say. I read into others comments or body language too much. I dwell on what others must be thinking of me, and replay situations that have happened throughout the day over and over in my head, wondering how I looked in others' eyes. And when thoughts turn negative or bitter, my first reaction is to distance myself and withhold my affections from those people.

God really showed me how this line of thinking is so self-centered and egotistical. Have I once thought of the needs of my friends? Have I thought of how I could love them or care for them? I have been thinking of how bad I feel, never once questioning whether or not they may also be experienceing some dark times, maybe even worse than mine.

It is hard to break out of oneself and "love your neighbor as yourself". And Satan uses insecurity very much in my life as a means for breaking that ever-important commandment. Sometimes we tend to be insecure and see it as a cry for some love to be thrown our way, but God has revealed to me that insecurity is a sure sign that I'm the one that needs to be throwing some love around. The trick is getting past the emotions that make me whine, "but I don't wanna!" or "I just don't feel like it."

Which brings me to yet another truth God has allowed to seep into my mind. In one of these insecure moments, I actually was trying really hard to be loving to my "neighbors", but I found myself just settling into my selfish comfort zone saying, "Lord, I just don't have the energy today to do this." And it was as if He shouted to me over an invisible loudspeaker, "If you had a consistent prayer-life and your spiritual life was better cared for, I would give you the grace AND the energy to do this." Now, that wasn't really what I wanted to hear, but He was right. Grace is such a vague, intangible term, and I don't claim to know a lot about it. But it does give us the energy we need to do the things we must, especially when it comes to loving people. Grace gives us the energy to love.

I guess my break from electraonic media has done me some good. Now if I could just put it to use in my daily life and my relationships.

Tag #3

2005-05-22T00:07:00.000-07:00

Martha, Martha called me on to this meme, and I call upon Julie D., Alex, and Elena to join in. If you've alread done it, that's OK. I've been off the computer for a few days due to my husband's ENTIRE family being in town so I haven't had time to surf around and check out who has done this.

The game consists of answering five questions and then tagging three blogger friends to answer five questions. I can also add three categories.

The questions are: "If I could be a scientist...If I could be a farmer...If I could be a musician...If I could be a doctor...If I could be a painter...If I could be a gardener...If I could be a missionary...If I could be a chef...If I could be an architect...If I could be a linguist...If I could be a psychologist...If I could be a librarian...If I could be an athlete...If I could be a lawyer...If I could be an inn-keeper...If I could be a professor...If I could be a writer...If I could be a llama-rider...If I could be a bonnie pirate...If I could be an astronaut...If I could be a world famous blogger...If I could be a justice on any one court in the world...If I could be married to any current famous political figure...If I could be an Office Supply Salesman...If I could be a Dog-show judge...If I could be a Coal Miner...if i could be a baker...if i could be a comedian...if i could be a monk...if I could be a clothing designer...If I could be a nanny...If I could be a guest on the Oprah show.

If I could be a librarian I would read as many books as I can and come up with a way to devise a "personality test" of sorts to match particular people with genres of books, authors, subjects, etc. Because I encounter SO MANY people who say that "they don't like to read", and I just find that too hard to believe. I don't think they don't like to read; I think they just haven't found the books that they would like to read yet. It sometimes takes a lot of reading to find those special books.

And I would make sure to find clever ways to mess with the computers on those guys who go to the libraries to look at porn and take them to chastity sites instead.

If I could be a clothing designer, I would figure out a way to design clothes for short people with chubby bodies and short torsos who can't find a single darn thing to wear whenever they go shopping because all the clothes out there are made for tall, skinny people with small busts; and all the petite clothes are for short people who are also petite in weight, and the rest have to just search through racks of clothing trying depserately to find something that might possibly make them look like something other than a munchkin (not that I have personal experience with this or anything...)

If I could be an inkeeper, I would make check-in time at 12:00 and check-out time at 3:00, instead of the other way around like it is now. I would also make sure to throuoghly wash and possibly bleach and disinfect every single sheet, bedspread, and pillowcase in between every single guest (how's that John?)

If I could be a guest on the Oprah show, I would make really really sure I got a make-over out of it. I am sorry, but she has the best make-over people doing her shows, be it for clothing, hair, make-up, or home decor.

If I could be a world-famous blogger, I would make sure to tell everyone to watch Veronica Mars because it is truly one of the best shows on television; even all the critics say so. This past season it was on Tuesday nights at 9:00 p.m. on UPN, but it looks like it will be moved to Wednesday nights at 9:00 next season (and will unfortunately be up against Lost in its new timeslot; TiVo's and VCR's people!) However, UPN will be re-running the show throughout the summer and the season 1 dvd will be realeased in September. So, keep your eyes open. Get a clue! Watch Veronica Mars.

From Pope Paul VI

2005-05-17T16:51:00.000-07:00

"The most effective form of evangelization is the witness of our lives, and only secondly, the words we use to explain the reason for our hope."

What an atrocity

2005-05-17T16:48:00.000-07:00

Thousands Secretly Sterilized by Government

I can't believe this was an actual practice in our society. What a violation, and such discrimination. Of course nowadays, these same individuals who were secretly violated are now the ones targeted by the abortion industry, so I don't know exactly why I am so shocked.

Forget why you blog; why do you comment?

2005-05-16T10:58:00.000-07:00

Much drama in the comments of the blogworld I frequent lately. I would love to know others' feelings and opinions on the controversial subject of commenting in the blogworld.

Why I comment

I only comment when I actually have something to say. It doesn't mean I don't find all the entries interesting (well actually, I don't find ALL the entries I read interesting), but if I don't have a concrete comment to make, or if I don't have something funny to pass on, or if I have nothing to say other than "that was nice", then I just don't put anything. I realize this may leave people feeling rejected, and if an entry I really liked gets no response I feel the same way also. But in order to somewhat keep my computer time in moderation and maintain some level of sanity while on here, I must limit my contributions.

I only comment when I can actually formulate my thoughts into intelligent words. Especially when it comes to entries of a spiritual nature, I have to take time to think on it. I am not naturally a philosophical person. It takes me a bit to grapple some high-and-mighty things. So, if I don't comment on something that I truly found interesting and inspiring, it is because my words attempting to express my thoughts would have you all convinced that I am a true idiot.

If I comment with a "lol" or smiley face or with a "Yes!" or "too funny!" , then it means that I was physically laughing out loud or yelling, "Eww, disgusting!" (as in the case with some of John B.'s entries)or actually rolling my eyes at whatever is being pointed out. Basically, if you can inspire my body to actually jolt out of its staring-at-the-pretty-colors-on-the-square-box stupor, then you'll get a comment.

I will also comment if whatever you said makes me cry.

Why I don't comment

I don't usually comment to rants or blatant attacks that have no substance to them. For example, if someone blogs about how "Alias sucks and so does Jennifer Garner!" with out any rhyme or reason, I'll just ignore it, even though I may love Alias and JG intensely. I try and make it a point not to engage in anything remotely resembling stupidity.

I try really really hard not to comment to another comment. I try to comment when I actually have something to say about the actual blog entry. I personally think its rude to get into a war of words on someone else's blog with another reader and clog up their comment boxes. When I get comments on my blog, I actively seek them out hoping they've responded to something I've written (self-centered as that may be), not to the commentary. Although, I will point out any agreement or positive sentiment I may have to a comment previously made, but not without following up with my own thoughts.

And I really won't comment to or even acknowledge an anonymous comment. That's just a coward's way out, in my opinion. If you aren't willing to back up what you say or put a name to it, then it isn't worth acknowledging.

I also do not comment on things I know little about, or if I don't know about it that I cannot back up with links, information, sources, etc. I got into a discussion on organ donation one time, and while I am passionately for it, I really did not know exactly why I was passionately for it because my opinions were initially motivated by emotion and my own, weak, human reasoning. So, I took the discussion as an excellent opportunity to learn, and as I found tidbits to back up my opinions, I posted the links to the sources. I think if you don't know your info or can't back it up (even if you know it to be true), then you can very very easily fall into the weakness of making personal attacks, rants, or into the immaturity of a "na-na-na-na-na (sticking tongue out)" writing style.

I do not comment on something that has been dropped. I think many resurrect dead, controversial discussions for the sake of having their voice be heard rather than for the sake of truth or intelligent discussion.

I do not comment if the person is truly not open to what I have to say. Why put myself through the torture? I one time commented on a feminist blog because she asked for the opinions of those differing from hers. But to comment on a blog that, for example, advocates premarital sex, birth control, abortion, or limiting the number of children one has, and does so passionately is pointless. Just as anyone thinking the Eucharist a mere "wafer" commenting on my entries regarding the eBay controversy would have been ignored, scoffed at, or possibly deleted.

Basically, for me, it's about peace. When I am on the internet, it is a time of leisure for me. Yes, I have also used the internet to cultivate friendships, grow in spirit, or have a deep thought or two in my chaotic day. But if what I do in my leisure time takes away at all from my vocation as a wife and mother, then it is harming me. And if I indulge in something that harms me, I am in danger of also harming others.

Here's my short list of guidelines I try to live by in the blogworld.

Moderation.

Think before I write.

Ignore what is useless to me as a wife and mother.

Move on to something beneficial to me.

Respect others as real people; they are not mere figments of my computer's imagination.

Don't type it if I would never say it to someone's face.

Pray, "Holy Spirit, bless this entry or comment, or move me to delete it if it is not of You."

Struggles

2005-05-14T10:57:00.000-07:00

Two struggles are coming directly into my path this month.

The first I encountered last night. I am such a bitter, unforgiving person. My husband left his job as the youth minister of our parish in January. The last 18 months of his job was a living hell for him, which was the direct result of one person. This staff-member had her own ideas about how his job should be done and who should have it instead of him. She went on a full-frontal assault. She changed my husband for a short while, into a depressed, self-conscious, hopeless, burned-out wreck. And I sat by and watched it all, unable to do anything. I encouraged him and tried to speak truth to him, but I think he just saw it as "well, of course my wife thinks I am great, worthy, and capable." He finally believed what I was saying and began to brush off the vindictiveness of this person only after seeing some of the fruits of his labor be quite successful in spite of the exterior doubts coming his way. I was just glad to have my husband back.

My husband was planning on leaving the position anyway, because it wasn't a job that can possibly support a growing family financially. He left with the respect of the pastor and parish administrator. But this woman didn't help matters. What could have been a nice, nostalgic time for us was a stressful, angry, frustrating time. I resent her for that.

We still encounter her often (my husband still teaches RCIA and sacramental prep. at the church and of course we are still active in the parish). And we encounter the new youth minister often (who is her boyfriend, which gives you a small glimpse into the big picture). The new YM is so gracious and respectful to my husband. I am grateful for that. But I can't help remembering everything we went through everytime I see him and his girlfriend.

The funny thing is that if she had just let my husband alone, the end result would've probably still occurred. Her BF probably would have been hired after my husband because he really was the person best qualified to take over the position. My husband still would've left when he did, no sooner or later. But the emotional experience could've turned out much differently if she hadn't taken it upon herself to twist and turn the circumstances into what she perceived was the will of God.

So why all this now? My husband has forgiven her (because if you all knew him you'd see he's one of the greatest men alive). She even called my husband to apologize to him for all she did, only I found out later that her apology was motivated by an outside circumstance, not by a genuine contrition for her attacks. I found out this information, yet haven't told my husband because I don't want to ruin the apology for him. But it has hindered me from moving on the way he has. Yet I must add that even if she hadn't apologized, my husband would've forgiven her anyway because he is that way.

The parish has transitioned into a new phase with most people quite happy about it....except me. There are a whole boat load of parish activities going on this month, hence our encounters with her will likely increase in the near future. And while all the youth and volunteers and staff members go joyfully on with their lives, I can't. I can't enter into Masses she is present at. I haven't stepped foot into the youth room since my husband left. I don't want to buy the new youth ministry t-shirts. I barely can make eye contact, even with the new YM because everytime I see him I think of her and her part in getting him there.

I've sought out spiritual direction over this. I know I need to let it go, because it brings absolutely no benefit to me. It tears me down, and its not like she even cares. And I am not her judge, nor should I be the crusader of revenge against her. I must leave judgement to God. And maybe she crossed my path (in more ways than one) because God knew that by her hurting my husband, we would possibly be inspired to pray for her. Maybe if she had hurt someone else, she would have been merely forsaken.

I admit, I rarely pray for her. I also admit that I don't want her or her BF to succeed because I want her to have to struggle the way my husband did and truly experience contrition for all she put him through.

I know this is wrong. I know I am a horrible, vengeful, sinful person. I know, I know! But I just. can't. let it go.

My husband didn't speak about this situation with many people other than a priest and his brother because he did not want to cause division or discord within the youth ministry program or parish as a whole. None of the volunteers knew what he was going through. He spoke about this woman with NO ONE on staff (except his pastor and boss), even though we all knew she was gossipping and maligning his reputation to anyone who could breathe. And, as I have stated before, he has forgiven her for everything, no looking back.

I wish there was a word, a phrase someone could say to turn the switch, to give me that "Aha!" moment I need to get over this hump. I'm tired of feeling this way. I am tired of the anger and bitterness. I am tired of feeling like an outsider in the parish I grew up in. I am tired of wanting to spread the gossip of what happened so people will stop being friends with her and support us (which I have NOT done out of repsect for the wishes of my husband, not because I'm such a great or holy person. See, I meant it when I said my husband is amazing).

This truly is one of the instances where I really am too weak. I am not enough. I can't even say something like, "I can't do this alone." Frankly, I can't do it at all. I feel like God really has to do it for me. But for some reason, He hasn't.

"Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us." I know I am not worthy enough to accept God's forgiveness because I can't dish out my own. I really don't want this on my shoulders on my judgement day. How long will it take to go away?

I know I said there were two struggles I was going to be facing this month, but I'm worn out just thinking about this. Maybe I'll dole out my thoughts on the second another time.

Tagged again!

2005-05-14T09:51:00.000-07:00

By Julie at Illuminated Obscurity.

1. Total Number of Books I’ve Owned: I honestly don't know, but it has to be close to 1000 from childhood to now, although I've gotten rid of, sold, or ruined many.

2. Last Book I Bought: I actually don't buy a lot because I am a library-freak. But it was The Introduction to the Devout Life by St. Francis de Sales (my fave!).

3. Last Book I Read: Blessed Are the Cheesmakers (can't remember the author).

4. 5 Books that mean a lot to me:

The Introduction to the Devout Life by St. Francis de Sales speaks straight to my heart on how to be a holy person. It's a great guide for lay people.

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte because of Jane's willingness to do what was right despite her passions or despair.

Anne of Green Gables (L.M. Montgomery) series because as a cynic, I have always strove to be as positive, supportive, and as joyfully raw as Anne.

Circle of Friends by Maeve Binchy because it was one of the first books I read where the girl ditches the guy for the sake of her self, and that concept was once so foreign to me.

The Song of Solomon (or Song of Songs) in the Bible because of its sexual nature. I always had a problem with seeing sex as something beautiful and holy (due to some bad experiences) and when it was pointed out to me that this book of the Bible described the union God wants to have with His people (through the analogy of bride and bridegroom) and that God would not use sex for that image if it wasn't something meant to be incredibly holy and beautiful. It changed my whole attitude on sex, love, and marriage.

5. Tag 5 people and have them do this on their blog

martha, martha...
Mary Poppins NOT
Kate
John B.
epiphany

I've been tagged!

2005-05-12T09:10:00.000-07:00

I was tagged by Mary Poppins NOT and kind-of also from Kate.

And just in case no one scrolls down, I am handing this off to Amy, M'lynn, and Veronica. I also second the calls to Kalanna, Julie O., and Arwen/Elizabeth made by other meme participants.

List five things that people in your circle of friends or peer group are wild about, but you can't really understand the fuss over.

1) changing tables: I have never used one with any of my kids. I change their diapers wherever I happen to be- the floor, the couch, the coffee table, my lap, my bed, etc. I could see their use in the aspect of storage, but I could never drag my kids to their room to have them sit on a table everytime I needed to change their diaper.

2) Beer: I don't like the taste of it. Some say it's an acquired taste, but what if I don't choose to take the time paying $5 for a bottle that I will only drink a quarter of before the aftertaste gets to me and then I waste another $2 buying an iced tea to make my taste buds go back to normal?

3) eyelash curlers: I have NEVER in my life noticed how curly someone's eyelashes are. They look painful, and from what I hear, if you do it wrong your could pull all your eyelashes out. Plus you have to change them every so often because of bacteria and risk of infection? No thanks.

4) SpongeBob Squarepants: I personally find him annoying and would ditch him every chance I could get if he tried to be friends with me. I'm also not big on gross-out, farting, butt-cheeks humor. But I'd hang with Patrick if I got the chance.

5) PDA's: I mean those handheld computerized organizers, not public displays of affection. The screen is so small, I don't see how anyone could even see their appointments for the hour, much less the day, week, or month. And it seems it would take less time to open up a small calendar and look at the page rather than "bring up" the correct screen. Plus, what happens if you lose the wand-thingy that controls the screen? Are you left hanging?

Veronica Mars Fires it Up!

2005-05-11T09:33:00.000-07:00

Oh. My. Gosh. The season finale of Veronica Mars was completely, totally AWESOME! I actually had figured out that the murderer was Aaron once I saw the cameras at the end of the last episode- I just knew Logan wasn't that slimey. But the suspense was no less intense!

I CRIED at the scene when Keith revealed the results of the DNA test. "Who's your Daddy?" is RIGHT! Those two actors deserve emmy nods.

So, who do YOU think is at the door? I HOPE beyond hope that it is Logan, but it probably isn't beause if it was, he'd either be still drunk off his rocker or completely beaten to a pulp (courtesy of Weevil) and so Veronica wouldn't just smile and say, "I was hoping it was you." I thought it might be Duncan, but he's probably dealing with his Dad being arrested while his mom freaks out over the bad press this will all get (she is so pathetic). I am betting money it is Wallace, sent there by Alicia to comfort his BFF, but another theory brought to mind by someone on the TWoP boards was that it might be our cutey-pie Deputy Leo. But I am totally thinking Wallace for now. But I really really WANT it to be Logan!

Lianne Mars is evil. Just evil. I am so glad (even though I know it isn't the good Christian thing to think) that Alicia is the one at Keith's bedside. But for Lianne to take the MONEY?! After Veronica threw away her college money to put her mom in rehab? New low.

Oh, I have many of the episodes on tape to get me through the summer, and they WILL be showing Veronica Mars re-runs throughout the summer, and the season 1 dvd will be released in September (but without feautures: bummer!). So come on everyone, get a clue! Jump on the Veronica Mars bandwagon! It really is one of the 10 best shows on TV.

Welcome to the Dark Side

2005-05-08T23:00:00.000-07:00

I was raised in a very non-Catholic, new age, cynical environment, mainly by my father's influence. The fact I am a practicing Catholic is somewhat of a miracle, in my opinion. However, my faith and religion has not shaken some of the things in me that took root as a result of the influences of my childhood. One thing I just can't seem to lose to my inclination to indulge in my dark side.

Now I don't have a dark side where I think of blowing people up or have tendencies towards harming myself, or anything of that nature. I am speaking more of a cynicism, a negativity, and a suspicious attitude. Also, I am speaking of a fascination with what makes people tick, be it good or bad, light or dark, Godly or evil.

For example, I listen to the radio a lot, and I just love a couple of songs that are played regularly that most people who know me would widen their eyes at. Ever hear of Linkin Park? Well, they have this song called Numb, which basically describes a guardian-type relationship (it can be applied to mother, father, etc) in which the guardian puts undo pressure on the "child" to be something he is not. Is it immoral? No, of course not. Is it reality? Yes, certainly. But does it really glorify anything beautiful or Godly? Hmm...not sure. Some of the lyrics go:

I've
Become so numb
I can't feel you there
Become so tired
So much more aware
I'm becoming this
All I want to do
Is be more like me
And be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me
Holding too tightly
Afraid to lose control
'Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you

[Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow]
Every step that I take is
Another mistake to you
[Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow]
And every second I waste
Is more than I can take

And I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me
With someone disappointed in you

But here's the thing. I LOVE this song. It has a very hard rock feel during the chorus, but also an emotional pull due to the smooth sound of the singer's voice during the verses. Plus, it is such a heart-stirring song.

Maybe it is because I am such an emotional person. I live life strongly motivated by "how I feel". It certainly is a weakness, for how can any consistency or discipline come of out an emotionally motivated life?

My questions about my sometimes-interest in sometimes-dark music came when I heard that our beloved Papa B-16 strongly dislikes rock-and-roll music because it ignites the basic passions within people. I am sorry to say, but my first reaction to that (wrong as it may be) was, "so?" I mean, that's why I love music so much, because of how it makes me feel. But then I thought about those words... "basic passions". The word "basic" coming from the word "base", which means low, or primal. I realized that so many times I have told people that while we may have natural inclinations as humans, we are called to be supernatural beings and to rise above ourselves to become the people our Creator wanted us to be. Where would indulging in "basic passions" fit into that goal?

On another note, I was looking around the Bishops' movie reviews web page and finding what their reviews were for movies I enjoyed. I was so saddened to see that The Breakfast Club recieved an "O", which stands for morally offensive. Once again, my dark side overtakes my deference to their opinion. I felt that movie so accurately assessed the struggles of parent/teen relationships, the pressures of high school, the issue of cliques and the need to fit in somewhere in this world. I absolutely love the movie, even though I wouldn't say it really glorifies anything beautiful or holy.

But sometimes I can only take so much darkness before it affects me in my daily life. A couple of years ago I began reading The House of Sand and Fog (a story centered around conflict over property and the people willing to do anything for it), but had to put it down halfway through because the book depressed me so much that I was in a bad mood towards my husband and kids as a result. Yet I also read The Secret History (a story centered around a murder) a little bit after that and was fascinated at the dark inclinations of the students in the book and would actually be in a good mood after reading such intelligent content and asking myself such fascinating questions. Another example: I don't care for Stephen King novels and find that their darkness is just too much for me, but I still have a fascination with the book/movie Carrie, probably because I have a curiosity about the dark subject of revenge that I haven't been able to squelch through my spiritual formation.

I am confused over this side of myself. Now, I have a sunny-side-up aspect of myself as well: my favorite books include Little Women, Jane Eyre,and the Anne of Green Gables series. My favoite music band of all time is ABBA (talk about cheesy!). But I admit that this side of me has its limits. For example, I listen to Christian Music radio (mainly KLOVE)just as much as secular stations. But sometimes I feel I just have to turn the station because the songs are just too too saccharine for me. Yet the weird thing is that I feel so guilty about this aversion I have to some Christian music, and so I will listen to certain songs I really can't stand or that I am not in the mood to listen to motivated solely by this guilt.

So I guess my thoughts on this lead me to wonder, how dark is too dark? Is it wrong not to see the beauty in all things joyful, is it a weakness to find some things "cheesy"? Is it wrong that I prefer shows like Veronica Mars or CSI to 7th Heaven or Full House? Is it wrong that I have fond memories of watching Twin Peaks (which, yes, I know, was an incredibly dark indulgence)? Is it wrong that on my favorite movies list, right next to It's a Wonderful Life sits The Usual Suspects (although, once again, my darkness has limits. I absolutely hate movies like Being John Malkovich and American Beauty)? Is it bad that a few minutes after rocking out to The Beach Boys' "Good Vibrations", I can then bang my head to "Enter Sandman" by Metallica?

And then this Scripture comes to mind (probably God's way of answering my questions listed in this entry):

"Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." Phil 4:8

I know we are called to be perfect as our heavenly Father is perfect. So is having a dark side sinful? Imperfect? Human? Natural? Base? Or maybe I am asking the wrong questions. Maybe I should be asking, is it Heavenly? Do saints in Heaven have a dark side? Will I, if I ever get there? Probably not.

Sigh. Just more baby steps God is asking me to take...

We've been heard!

2005-05-04T10:35:00.000-07:00

They boycott of eBay is over! Read about it here. I am so happy that they reconsidered their policies. I can go shopping again! Woohoo!

Yes, I am being a pest about this...

2005-04-27T15:30:00.000-07:00

Here's more information on the eBay situation. Catholics are speaking out in a big way. I hope eBay starts listening.

The National Catholic Register has an article highlighting this situation.

Here's the Catholic League's response to the situation.

Here's a link to BoycotteBay.org

Sign the online petition requesting eBay removie the Eucharist from its items allowed to be sold.

Alternatives to eBay:

Yahoo Auctions

Overstock.com Auctions